


True Love Will Never Fade

by justine472



Series: True Love Is So Rare [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Berena tbc, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justine472/pseuds/justine472
Summary: This continues the story of Bernie and Serena two years after True Love Is So Rare when, having finally found each other after Serena's sabbatical, they settled in Ho Chi Minh City (aka Saigon), Vietnam, to work for the new French International Hospital, and got married in January 2018. Now the pandemic is sweeping across Europe from Asia and Serena feels she must go home. Bernie agrees to follow, but for the past year she has been working on Emergency Medical Teams all over Asia and can't join Serena immediately. This is the story of how they navigate and survive the pandemic, bringing the story up to the present day, and with more bumps and twists along the road.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Series: True Love Is So Rare [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915738
Comments: 66
Kudos: 86
Collections: to be continued... (Berena Summer Sequel Event)





	1. Where I'm Meant To Be

**Author's Note:**

> True Love Is So Rare was one of the most popular fics I wrote 2 years ago, and I wanted to see how Bernie and Serena could navigate the current situation as a couple and how this would affect their relationship along the way. There is angst, there are references to Part One of the story, especially to how Serena very nearly lost Bernie with some bad decision-making which has relevance to Serena's behaviour in the present day, but otherwise, our two surgeons are back in a familiar environment. There is angst, but all will come right in the end.  
> Thanks to Bat for encouraging me into this. It’s an honor to be able to take part in this challenge.

_I wonder if there's no forever  
No walking hand in hand  
Down a yellow brick road  
To never never land  
These days I get to where I'm going  
Make it there eventually  
Follow the trail of breadcrumbs  
To where I'm meant to be  
To where I'm meant to be_

_(“True Love Will Never Fade”, by Mark Knopfler)_

**March 8 th 2020**

Serena Campbell dumps the two suitcases unceremoniously on the scale and forces herself to smile sweetly at the airline staff checking her in. She knows that she has a few extra kilos, but the smile seems to work. The young Vietnamese ground staff member prints out her 2 boarding passes, tags her luggage and says “have a nice flight”.

Still recovering from that surprise, Serena goes through security and heads for the Silver Members lounge, suppressing a yawn. It’s been a long day and she has a 24- hour journey ahead of her that she is not looking forward to one little bit. She has barely eaten all day, so she heads for the buffet and gets a glass of red wine, and some fruit and nibbles- the last “nem” she would eat in Vietnam, then an espresso to keep herself awake for just a bit longer. As she sits down, her phone pings with a message. Pilou- Dr. Jean-Philippe Huguet, Assistant Director of their Trauma Unit, one of her closest friends, sending her emojis and all sorts of good luck wishes…she can sense his anxiety. She’s heading into the void, back to a Europe on the cusp of a pandemic, never knowing what lies ahead. Serena is bone weary, the last few days having taken their toll on her as she packed up her and her wife’s Saigon apartment ready to head back to the UK. Everything they possess is in the two suitcases, bar what Bernie has with her wherever she may be. The temperature outside is 31 degrees Celsius at 7pm. In London, when they land at 8.15 am, it will be closer to zero degrees. Serena is wearing stretch pants with a short-sleeved top and a fleece hoodie in her capacious carry-on bag. Her quilted winter coat is carried separately, but she’s not making the mistake of so many holidaymakers in their flip flops and shorts, due for a nasty shock. She has socks and trainers on at least.

After what seems like an age, the passengers on Qatar Airways flight 186, mostly westerners fleeing the COVID pandemic, are called to the gate. Serena wearily gathers her coat and her carry-on, but as she hands her boarding pass to the staff member, he smiles at her and tears it up. Serena’s eyes open very wide and alarm starts prickling all over her body. Her mouth behind her face mask is open, like a goldfish. Then he smoothly produces another two, in a different colour and says. “Congratulations, Ms. Campbell, you’ve been upgraded to Business”. Delighted (this means she can sleep) and relieved (she usually tries to fly Business on long haul flights, but the price this time had been ridiculously inflated because of the pandemic), she settles happily into her private booth. and removes her precautionary face mask. When the steward comes round to ask what she needs, she mentions the surprise upgrade. He smiles and says “You’re a doctor. We’re giving all medical personnel special benefits. Besides, Economy is full. So please enjoy! Here’s your menu, just let me know when you’d like to order dinner.”

As the cabin is prepared for take-off, Serena’s phone pings with another message. Bernie.

_Safe flight, my love! I should be finished here within a week and I’ll join you as soon as possible. I miss you. xxx_

Serena texts back _mu2 xxx_ and puts her phone in flight mode, fastens her seat belt and prepares to leave Vietnam. As they taxi down the runway and lift off gently into the velvety smooth darkness, Serena watches the lights of Saigon recede and feels a lump come to her throat. Two years and four months, the last two years among the happiest of her life. Finally married, after many misunderstandings and false starts, to the love of her life; a gifted surgeon at the peak of her powers, she’s working in a state-of-the-art hospital in a city she has taken to her heart; a welcoming, diverse community that she will surely miss. Yet even as she brushes away a stray tear, her thoughts go to the home she is returning to. To her family- Jason, Greta, Guinevere, and her step-children Cameron and Charlotte. And her adopted family- the staff of Holby City Hospital. Fletch and his lively brood; Ric, one of her oldest friends; Henrik Hanssen, the overburdened CEO, now returned from his sabbatical in Sweden to recover from the death of his son; Donna Jackson, Serena’s AAU Ward manager, happily engaged to her registrar, Xavier Duval; Sacha Levy, the bear in the loud patterned shirts from Keller Ward, and a host of other characters she has never forgotten but temporarily pushed aside as she lived her new existence with Bernie in Saigon.

As soon as the seat belt sign goes off, Serena removes her shoes, reclines her seat and calls the steward to order her dinner, starting with a large glass of Shiraz. She also gets some sparkling water, better to avoid the dehydration headache. After a very tasty _steak au poivre_ and more wine, mango mousse for dessert, cheese and biscuits (Serena can never say no to what she regards as “freebies” on planes), then a visit to the bathroom to brush her teeth, Serena pushes her seat flat, pulls the quilt over her and finally lets the stress and anxiety fade away for a few precious hours.

Except, that isn’t quite what happens. The flight is smooth until they reach the Bay of Bengal, then it gets a little bumpy, and Serena’s sleep is disrupted. She fights with unseen dragons, has a conversation with her dead daughter, Elinor, and, as the turbulence finally begins to subside, she wakes suddenly with the absolute conviction that Bernie is never coming back. With palpitations and sweat on her brow, Serena pushes herself upright and calls the steward, asking for a glass of water. The plane has now stabilised, and, gradually, Serena recovers her equilibrium. She sits up and sees on the map screen that they still have three hours to go to Doha. And she lets her mind go back.

It all started the day after their first wedding anniversary. January 5th 2019\. Their first Christmas as a married couple had been everything Serena could have wished for. Jason and his wife, Greta, were preoccupied with managing their new baby and Cameron was away in Jamaica, but Charlotte, in her final year of Law at Southampton, had come out to Saigon and they had spent Christmas at a resort on the island of Phu Quoc, joined for two days by their close friends and colleagues, Pilou and his partner, Tien. It had been a joyous, fun occasion, Bernie in her element, teasing the guys, Charlotte, the dark horse, proving to be quite fluent in French and joining in, Bernie and Tien organising the island tours, Serena and Pilou the food and the wine. Charlotte had departed on January 1st, and Bernie and Serena had returned to work the following day. Their actual wedding anniversary had been quiet- it was a Friday, both had the evening off and they had opted for a quiet Chinese dinner in town, followed by drinks with close friends back at The Chill Bar. Connie had made a passionfruit mousse cake and Frieda followed with a tray of vodka shots and a bowl of vodka-soaked Haribo jellies. Serena passed on that, but Bernie pronounced them “ _smachno_ ”, which Frieda was happy to explain was Ukrainian for “delicious”. Perhaps this was the first ripple of discontent that Serena had had since they had got back together over a year ago. Not that Bernie and Frieda had anything special going on- Frieda was happily involved with Connie and practically living with her in the bar. No, it was the sudden, surprising reminder of an experience Bernie had had which had taken her away from Serena, and which had always, in their private lexicon, been thought of as a Big Mistake. Still, this was just a fun moment, and Serena would have gladly pushed it away, but the following day, as they headed to their favourite café for brunch, Bernie got a message on her phone that furrowed her brow.

“What is it, darling?” Serena had asked.

“Oh..nothing….just …just Eliot.”

“Eliot?” Serena asked sharply. Eliot Hope was a consultant who had left Holby to work with Médecins Sans Frontières in Pakistan, Bangladesh, and then who knew? Since Bernie had moved to Saigon for good, they had heard no more from him, or, at least, Serena believed so.

“Yeah.. we kind of keep in touch now and again, he’s based in Bangkok these days,” is all Bernie said. During their brunch, she resolutely ignored the various beeps and pings from her phone until, as they paid the bill, Serena, exasperated, said. “Why don’t you just answer that? Clearly, there’s something urgent going on.”

“It can wait”, is all Bernie said. Once they got home, she disappeared onto the balcony and smoked several cigarettes (a habit Serena had felt she was not qualified to comment on) while texting furiously on the phone.

It had taken the rest of the afternoon, a simple supper and a Netflix movie until Bernie dropped her bombshell. As Serena switched off the TV, ready for bed, Bernie said.

“Um..Serena..you know those messages I had earlier? Well,” not waiting for Serena’s reply, “Eliot wants me to join an Emergency Medical Team he’s been put in charge of based in Bangkok.”

“And?” Serena asked.

“Well, um, you know, I thought you might not like it…..it means I’d be away sometimes,” Bernie admitted.

Serena sat back down with a thump, making the sofa cushions bounce. “How long are we talking about?” is all she said.

“I..I don’t know exactly. There are training weekends, and sometimes, when there are natural disasters in the region, I’d be called. It might be a week or two if there’s something serious.”

“Like that earthquake in Indonesia recently, you mean?”

“Yes, exactly. In fact, that’s why Eliot has been charged with putting together a new team. Resources were stretched very thin there.”

“I see. Well, why are you asking me? I mean you’re obviously itching to go!” Serena regretted the words as soon as they had left her mouth. Bernie flushed and looked away for a moment. Then she turned to face her wife.

“I’m not asking you, Serena,” she said quietly, “I’m telling you that this is a decision I will have to make. And I’m conflicted, obviously. My contract with the hospital allows me to be seconded to other hospitals for training with the CEO’s consent, and, let’s face it, the number of trauma cases we have here hardly merits a full-time consultant like me. I spend more time teaching and training than I do handling trauma cases. Pilou could do my job just as efficiently.”

And there it was.

“So where’s the conflict?” Serena asked, acutely aware that she might not want to know the answer.

“The conflict is primarily with the hospital allowing to release me to join this EMT group. And ..and..of course, with us. Our relationship, being married.”

“As for the first, only Marie-Paule can answer that, but I suspect she’d be delighted that one of our star surgeons is about to become a star on a bigger stage.” Really, Serena didn’t know where this sarcasm was coming from, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “As for the second, what on earth makes you think I’ve chained you to my side? You’re perfectly free to make your own decisions.”

Bernie turned sharply and looked her in the eye. “Yes, Serena, I am. But I made vows when I married you, and I would never want to do something you might feel uncomfortable with. That’s why I’m telling you, discussing it with you.”

For a moment Serna was lost for words. The trauma of nearly losing Bernie after Serena had embarked on her sabbatical from Holby, and the way she had so spectacularly nearly fucked it all up weighed heavily on her. She would do anything to avoid alienating Bernie and running the risk of losing her again, yet the thought of Bernie putting herself in danger, of being away from Serena for weeks on end left a hollow feeling in her stomach.

“Let’s sleep on it”, is all she said, getting up and heading for the bedroom.

****

**March 9 th 2020**

By the time Serena’s flight from Doha lands in London, she is cold, tired, crotchety and seriously contemplating taking a taxi all the way to Holby and damn the expense. It wasn’t about the money, really. Since she and Bernie had been working at the French International Hospital, they had both earned far more than they could have done at home, and with hardly any overheads, they had amassed a fair amount of savings. It’s just her old frugal habit kicking in. She has been undecided between renting a car or taking a coach, but in the event, neither is required. At the barrier, waiting for her, is Fletch. Serena is simultaneously both relieved and delighted, and is about to throw her arms around his neck, but then she realises that this is no longer acceptable, so she bumps his elbow, which he accepts with a wry smile.

“Fletch! What a fabulous surprise!”

“Well, couldn’t let you arrive back in the cold and damp all on your lonesome, could I?” he answers with his usual cheeky charm, taking her luggage trolley and wheeling it towards the car park exit. But as they walk, he seems uncharacteristically quiet and serious.

“Are you all OK? The kids? Colleagues?” she asks anxiously.

“The kids are fine, I’m fine,” he says, with a slight reticence that her antennae pick up immediately.

They put Serena’s luggage in the boot and settle themselves in the car. Before he starts the engine, Fletch hesitates and says.

“There’s something you need to know. Henrik Hanssen was hospitalised last night with the virus. He’s in a bad way, Serena.”

“What?” she is totally blindsided.

“He’d been self-isolating for over a week”, Fletch said, “after a patient spat at him, someone who later tested positive. Henrik went straight home and wouldn’t let anyone near.”

“So how did they…..?” Serena tails off.

“It was Donna- she and Zav had the virus early on, beginning of February, and they recovered. She went to Henrik’s flat every day to ask if he needed any shopping or help. Last night he could hardly breathe- she didn’t see him, he wouldn’t open the door, but she could hear. So she called an ambulance.”

“And is he ..on a ventilator?” asks Serena, in horror.

“Not as far as I know”, Fletch replies. “He doesn’t want to be sedated.”

“He may not have a choice,” Serena says, glumly. Fletch is silent, then he starts the engine and reverses out of the parking space.

As they drive towards Holby, Fletch asks, “So where’s Bernie? Is she coming, too?”

Serena is gripped by anguish, but she tries not to show it.

“Yes, she’s on an Emergency Medical Team thing in Indonesia. She’s been doing this for a year now, getting called out to different places. They’re setting up COVID-ready facilities in Yogyakarta. Indonesia’s going to be hit hard, with such a huge population and poor infrastructure, apparently. She says she’ll be here in about a week.”

“Better hurry, or we may be forced to go into lockdown, and then she won’t be able to live with you.”

“I see.” To Serena’s horror, she can feel a tear forcing its way out of her left eye and down her cheek. She swipes at it with her sleeve, but Fletch sees, and gives her a sympathetic smile. To change the subject he asks “Where am I taking you, by the way?”

“Oh, to Bernie’s flat. My house is all shut up, everything gone, facilities cut off. Jason put it on the market in November but we’ve yet to sell it. I expect it will have to wait now.”

As they near Holby, Serena gets a message from Bernie. Of course, she had messaged Bernie as soon as she had landed, but now Bernie is telling her that Cameron will be staying in her flat. Apparently, he had split up with his girlfriend and returned to his mother’s place. Serena just replies _OK_. She wants to say _Be careful and get here soon_ , but she is afraid Bernie may interpret this as her being too needy, so she says nothing.

Fletch takes her to the door and carries the suitcases. Serena has her own set of keys, but she rings the bell anyway, in case Cameron is there. It’s 11 am but she doesn’t know his shift patterns. There’s no response so she uses her key and Fletch carries her cases to the lift.

“I’ll be fine. Now you go on and see to your family or go to work or whatever,” Serena tells him. “I’ll come in later this afternoon.” And she shoos him away.

As she enters the flat, the first thing that strikes her is the stale smell. When they stayed here last summer, on a short holiday visit, Serena had been impressed with the light and air, the bay windows. Bernie had not rented it out, and Charlotte had been there taking care of it before they arrived. Now it seems dark and musty. The dull, overcast weather doesn’t help, but Serena strides to the windows and pulls back the curtains fully. The living room is untidy, with empty beer cans on the coffee table, cushions tossed around, magazines lying open on the sofa. She moves to the kitchen and sees a pile of takeaway cartons blocking the waste bin. She purses her lips. Cameron was obviously not expecting her. Despite her tiredness, Serena cannot leave things like this, so she sets to tidying up, removing the waste, cleaning the kitchen. Then to the bedroom. Mercifully, Cameron has occupied the spare room, so she leaves that and finds sheets and the duvet for the master bed, clean towels for the ensuite, and unpacks her own suitcase. Then she makes a pot of strong coffee, takes a hot shower, dresses in her Holby working clothes, which have been left in the wardrobe, and calls a taxi.

***

Henrik Hanssen is in a special COVID bay that staff can only enter in full Personal Protective Equipment. He is hooked up to an oxygen supply and looks uncomfortable. Serena gets kitted out, and with Sacha, who is in charge of this area, she enters and takes one of Henrik’s hands in her double gloved ones.

“Henrik, don’t try to talk. I’m back, Bernie is coming soon and we’re here to help.”

Hanssen’s eyes behind his glasses are frantically trying to tell her something, but he can’t catch enough breath to utter a whole sentence.

“Help…Ric…” she hears, and looks up at Sacha questioningly.

“Ric is Acting CEO while Henrik is in here,” Sacha explains, “Henrik wants you to share the burden.”

“Yes, don’t worry,” Serena reassures him. “I’ll be here to help Ric. We’ll work it out together.”

After a while, when Hanssen obviously can’t talk, she goes out of the room with Sacha.

“Are you going to ventilate him? His stats are not good.”

“No, I agree, but so far the prognosis for people on ventilators is very poor. Henrik has agreed to let me try some retrovirals first. My suspicion – which Jac shares, by the way, is that it’s not the lungs that are affected primarily. The low oxygenation in the blood is caused by something else. But at present we don’t know enough about it, and all we can do is try different things until something can be proven. Putting patients on ventilators is really a last resort, despite what the government seems to think. But didn’t you have COVID cases in Vietnam before us?”

“We had a few”, she says, “but they all ended up in the state hospitals. The government was very quick to lock down, and everyone started wearing masks in public, and so far it seems to have been contained. This is why we came back- there wasn’t much for us to do thereto help. Whereas…”

“Whereas here, we’ll soon be overwhelmed,” Sacha puts in grimly. Serena gives him a wry smile and moves away.

“Keep me informed of Henrik’s progress. I’m going to find Ric.”

On AAU, everything seems normal but the staff are edgy. Donna greets Serena with a huge sigh of relief, and she and Xavier bump elbows with her.

“Ric’s very stressed out”, Donna says, and Serena nods. Why wouldn’t he be? After a preliminary look round, she eventually finds Ric on the 6th floor in the CEO’s office.

“Serena!” he exclaims. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Well, I did consider not coming”, she admits, sitting and crossing her legs. “But Vietnam had the virus buttoned down from Day One and we could see which way the wind was blowing. In Europe, I mean.”

“Well, I’m now in the hot seat, but, really, I could use another pair of eyes and a brain. Could we both be Acting CEO until Henrik recovers or….” he tails off.

“Joint Acting CEOs? Well Ric Griffin, I never thought you’d be one to share such an important position.”

Ric groans. “This is not out of altruism, Serena. Either one of us could be struck down any day. This is about hedging our bets.”

“Then count me in”, Serena says.

***

Bernie can feel sweat dripping down her face under the mask and full visor she is wearing. Her thin cotton scrubs are sticking to her back under the impermeable hazmat-type suit, but she daren’t take her eyes off her work. She is performing an emergency appendectomy on a patient who was in quarantine with mild COVID symptoms and didn’t report the appendicitis symptoms early enough. With all the precautions for COVID slowing everything else down, this patient’s appendix has now ruptured and Bernie is trying to save his life. Fortunately, he’s a fairly healthy man in his forties, and his COVID symptoms have not so far affected his breathing.

Thirty minutes later, they are in the clear and the patient is stable. Bernie leaves her colleagues to close up and goes out to remove her protective clothing and shower. Dressing in fresh scrubs, she then takes a walk outside the hospital for a quiet cigarette, which is when her phone beeps.

_Hi Mum, just to let you know I’m thinking of moving to London. Dad’s got a friend at the Royal Free where they’re down a junior doctor, so I thought I’d give it a go. Good for the CV. I haven’t seen Serena yet and may miss her so please let her know I’ll be moving on tomorrow and she’ll have the place to herself._

Tomorrow? Bernie is aghast. Whatever happened to giving one’s notice and letting the hospital find a replacement, especially in the middle of a crisis. And what’s this about “missing” Serena? She’s already there, so is he planning to avoid her by staying out all night?

Bernie is tired and irritable. She can’t pretend to understand young people who seem, sometimes, to have not a shred of consideration for others, especially their employers. She thinks for all of ten seconds then texts back.

_I think we’re due a bit of a catch-up chat, but for the moment that will have to wait. I should be home within a week. Meanwhile, take care, good luck in the new job and I’ll pass the message to Serena. Do try to at least say hello to her before you head off._

As an afterthought she then texts Marcus.

_What on earth is going on with Cam? He’s just told me he’s upping sticks and heading to London tomorrow. I understand you arranged it. Is there a story there?_

That was guaranteed to put his back up, but well, being an absent mother didn’t mean being an out -of -the -loop mother. She was getting a bad feeling about Cam. He’d been back from Jamaica for almost nine months now, having been dumped by Morven, who had miscarried their child. Bernie never got the full story. And lately he’d been with a registrar called Chlöe, the daughter of another consultant that Bernie didn’t know. She was a few years older than him, but he had seemed happy. Then, suddenly, they broke up. Bernie feels it’s time she got to grips with what has been happening in her son’s life, because she is sure Marcus has not been paying close attention with his new, younger wife filling up his time.

***

By the time Serena leaves the hospital, it is after eight pm and she can feel the journey weighing on her. She just needs to go to bed. But as she puts her key in the lock, her phone buzzes. She gets inside, turns on the lights and sees another message from Bernie telling her that Cameron is leaving for London the following day and isn’t sure to cross paths with her. Right, mysterious, but well, it will have to wait until she has recovered from the jetlag. There’s still no sign of him, and a peep into the spare bedroom reveals the same chaos as reigned before. His clothes all over the place, bed unmade. Serena shrugs, makes a mug of herbal tea and heads for bed, where she goes out like a light as soon as her head touches the pillow.


	2. Shufflin' Forward In The Queue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena returns to work to the nightmare that is COVID invading the hospital, and shortages of PPE that they had not anticipated. She is longing for Bernie's return but Bernie is trapped in Indonesia with borders closing all around. Cameron has made his escape to London, but Serena becomes suspicious of his motives after talking to Ange Goddard. Meanwhile, Bernie finds salvation where she least expects it.
> 
> Chapter title from "True Love Will never Fade" by Mark Knopfler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last day of the official challenge and I've been racing to post so that there is momentum in the story. I'm conscious of so many tributes here to brave NHS staff who worked, fought and died during the peak of the crisis in the UK.I'm not trying to inject more angst than the situation merits, but I'm aiming for a certain amount of realism. Bear with me!

**March 10 th, 2020**

Serena wakes early, at around 6.30, to the sound of thumps in the living room. She gets up and quickly pulls a robe over her pyjamas before opening the door. The living room now contains a large suitcase on wheels, a duffle bag and a rather dishevelled Cameron, who seems to be in a hurry to leave, stuffing things randomly into the duffle bag. He stops abruptly when he hears the door open and there’s a look on his face that Serena recognises only too well. It’s the look on her wife’s face when she’s caught smoking.

“Good morning,” she says, smiling in a friendly way.

“Oh..Serena, er, hi…I was just...”

“So your mother informed me. Off to London, I believe.”

“Yes, Dad told me about a placement at the Royal Free. It’s all rather sudden.”

“Have you handed in your notice at Holby?” she enquires.

“Well, I talked to HR and left a resignation letter on Mr. Hanssen’s desk. But he’s ill.”

“Yes, Ric Griffin and I are now sharing the Acting CEO role at Mr. Hanssen’s suggestion,” Serena told him.

“Oh…right….good, well, must get on.” He is avoiding her eyes. Serena wants to laugh. Sometimes Cameron is so like his mother, entirely transparent. He’s afraid she’s going to tick him off for not working out his notice, she supposes.

“Well, what’s the desperate rush? Why don’t you join me for breakfast and we can have a chat?”

“Oh, that would be nice, but I’m afraid Dad’s coming to pick me up in,” he looks at his watch, “twenty minutes.”

“OK, look I’ll make some coffee and toast and you can have some before you go at least,” and she moves into the kitchen.

After ten more minutes Cameron rather shamefacedly comes to the kitchen door and she hands him a mug of coffee, pointing to the plate of toast, which he dives on hungrily.

“Were you here last night? I didn’t hear you come in,” she says.

“Ah, it was late. I was stuck in surgery till nine, then I went to a mate’s house for dinner.”

“Still on Darwin?” she enquires, delicately buttering a piece of toast and pushing the plate towards him.

“Yes. Oh, sorry about the mess, by the way. The last few days have been rather….” he tails off. Serena waits, sipping coffee.

“Rather..?” she asks finally.

“Um..chaotic, confusing. I split up with my girlfriend, I expect Mum told you.”

“Yes, Chlöe, isn’t it?” Serena asks kindly.

“Yeah. It was a bit sudden, I wasn’t expecting…….it came as a shock,” he looks away.

Serena remembers how downcast he was when he returned from Jamaica after Morven had finally decided to end things between them. She feels a stab of pity and reaches over to pat his hand.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she says with sympathy. Cameron’s eyes suddenly fill with tears and he blinks and looks down. Serena withdraws, giving him space to recover himself.

“Well, you’ll be a sore loss to Holby, but it will certainly be different in London. Especially with the pandemic. I hear that’s how it’s now being described by the WHO.”

“Y-yes,” he stammers, as a loud ringing on the doorbell interrupts them.

“That will be Dad,” he says, going to buzz him in. He opens the front door, and a few minutes later, Marcus comes bounding up the stairs. He seems surprised to see Serena.

“Oh hi, Serena, I didn’t know you were back. Isn’t Bernie with you?”

“Hello Marcus, no, I’m afraid she’s still stuck in Indonesia. She should be here in a week.”

“Well she’d better hurry,” Marcus observes, “because they’re talking about locking us down soon, like in Italy. And not a moment too soon, I’d say. St. James is already overflowing.”

“Yes, I gather. Well I’ll be up to my neck in it soon as well.”

“Right, must get this young man off to the train station. Nice to see you, Serena, I’m sure Holby will be relieved to have you back. I hear Hanssen’s down with the virus.”

“Yes, that’s true,” she says. ‘Well, ‘bye Marcus, perhaps we can all catch up when Bernie gets back- assuming we’re not locked down by that point”, she adds, needlessly. But Marcus is hardly paying attention.

“Okey doke, give me that suitcase, Cam. Bye Serena!” and he is out of the door, energetically pulling Cameron’s suitcase as Cameron follows with the duffel bag, giving her a sheepish little wave, and they are gone.

 _Well I wonder what all that was about?_ thinks Serena as she gathers up Cameron’s bedclothes and towels and shoves them into the washing machine.

***

Bernie is pacing in the EMT’s temporary office in Yogyakarta. She’s on the phone to Eliot.

“Well if all the flights are full on Saturday, can you book me on Sunday?”

“I’ll see, but people are panicking, Indonesia is threatening to close its borders soon so all the foreigners are trying to leave. We have certain privileges but the current situation is untenable, I’m afraid,” Eliot says.

“Look, just get me to Bangkok, Singapore, Dubai, anywhere I can get an onward connection. I can’t go back to Saigon, Vietnam has closed its borders.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Failing a commercial booking, I’ll check the med-evac flights. If you put yourself on the volunteer list, we might get lucky.”

“Yes, please do that, Eliot. I must get back to the UK. “

She hangs up, anxiety gnawing at her. She had never questioned her proposed travel plans, the EMT having priority on most commercial flights in the region, and she just assumed she could then get on a Europe-bound flight from a local hub. However, the travel restrictions and lockdowns in Asia are forcing Europeans to try to get home as fast as possible, and the closing borders prevent her from transiting most hubs. She‘s beginning to realise that she has left it quite late.

**March 14 th, 2020**

Serena wakes at 7.00 am and turns off her alarm. She is so exhausted that she can barely move. It’s Saturday, but the number of COVID cases coming into the hospital has risen dramatically during the week and she cannot be absent. Ric is similarly exhausted. The local care homes have been badly hit, and old people are being wheeled in at regular intervals. So far, they have had to divide the hospital into two parts- COVID and non-COVID, with Sacha in charge of COVID and Jac supervising non-COVID. Fifty percent of all scheduled surgeries have been postponed or cancelled and they are taking only emergencies. Serena has been relieved to learn she will have Ange Goddard seconded to AAU as her second in command because the burden of managing all this is just too much. _Bernie where are you?_ she pleads silently. All staff have been tested, and are retested every few days to ensure that they do not unwittingly spread the virus to other patients. However, a number of nursing staff and not a few junior doctors have succumbed so Serena is constantly battling with a 70%-80% staffing level. Her phone buzzes and she rolls over, groaning.

_Serena, I’m so sorry, I can’t get on a flight this weekend. I’ve tried everything. I’m now on the rota to do a med-evac in the hope I can hop onto a UK flight from wherever that is. Eliot is also trying to get EMT special priveleges, so hopefully in a few days I’ll have news. Please take care. I love you and will be there soon. xxxxx_

Serena groans again and throws the phone down onto the carpet before rolling her aching body out of bed and into the shower. By the time she gets to AAU, only marginally revived by coffee, Fletch is waiting for her at the triage point.

“Serena,” he says in a low voice, “I’ve just learned that our PPE delivery hasn’t come.”

“What?” she asks, thinking, _Oh no, please, not more bad news!_

“The Trust put in an order as instructed, but it seems there’s a delay. The government can’t explain why. “

Serena looks up sharply, knowing that only a positive response can keep Fletch on top of it.

“So where are we at?” she asks briskly.

“If the pattern is like yesterday, we’ll run out at lunchtime”, he admits.

“Right. Damage limitation. Let me get onto the Trust, and you need to take all current full PPE and put it aside for those handling COVID patients. Then grab whatever is slightly out of date and hand it to the next bunch down- incidental but not confirmed contact with COVID patients. “

Fletch is looking at her with horror. “But what about porters? Agency nurses being sent here and there? We’re exposing them to danger.”

She replies “Our priority is the patients and saving their lives. If there are staff members who are vulnerable- over 60, underlying conditions etc., make a list and bring it to me. I’ll see what I can do to protect them. Inevitably, some staff will succumb, we have to make sure the most vulnerable are at a distance. We will make a case to the Trust going forward, but at this moment we have no choice but to make sure everything is functioning. Just do it, Fletch!”

She marches into AAU and her office. Ric is on the phone, shouting at someone about the delayed order. When he hangs up she sees a vein pulsing dangerously in his forehead.

“It’s under control …for now,” she says, then lifts her hands as he is about to ask. “Don’t ask, just calm down. We need to stay on top of this.”

“It’s a disaster waiting to happen,” Ric says, shaking his head.

“I know, so I want an emergency meeting of all COVID team leaders in thirty minutes to discuss allocation of PPE,” Serena says. Ric nods and gets to his feet.

The meeting is difficult but dynamic, with team leaders finally agreeing on the best strategy, to Serena’s relief. As she is leaving, an attractive fiftyish woman comes over and offers her hand.

“Ange Goddard,” she says. “That meeting was a good call, I’m totally with you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Serena hesitates and Ange immediately withdraws her hand with a mouthed “sorry”.

“All good, I hope,” she says with as charming a smile as she can muster in the circumstances.

“Oh yes. And all about your amazing partner, Bernie Wolfe.”

Serena smiles and rolls her eyes, but then Ange adds. “Her son, Cameron, has been dating my daughter.”

“Ah, you’re Chlöe’s mother,” she exclaims.

“Yes. And I have a few things I’d like to talk to Bernie about. Is she coming to join you?”

Serena goes into her usual spiel about Bernie being stuck in Asia with the EMT and adds, “but you can talk to me, you know. I saw Cameron off a few days ago. He’s been staying in our flat.”

“Seen him off? What do you mean?” Ange seems taken aback.

“He’s gone to London, didn’t you know? He handed in his notice on Monday, apparently, a job came up at short notice. I understand your daughter broke it off with him. He seems pretty cut up.”

Ange looks as if she doesn’t quite know what to say, but she finally comes back with. “I see. Well, there’s a story there, and we haven’t heard the last of it, wherever he’s gone to. I don’t want to tell tales out of court, but the young man might be in trouble. And that may be why he left. “

Serena is stunned into silence. “What has he done?” she asks, tremulously.

“I can’t say. And I’m not directly involved. It’s my daughter you’d have to talk to, but she’s in a pretty bad state. I take it you haven’t been filled in on recent dramas here?”

“Er no, or at least, not concerning Cameron or Chlöe. Neither has Bernie as far as I know.”

“Right. Well, this isn’t the time or place, so let’s find time to catch up. Preferably when Bernie gets here, yeah? Meanwhile, I’m on your team, so let’s get back to it.”

**March 18 th 2020**

After several days supervising the admission and treatment of a rising number of COVID patients, Bernie is getting desperate. There are no available seats on flights to any hub where she can get an onward connection to the UK, and no med-evac flights have been authorised in the time she has been waiting. Other European countries have already gone into lockdown and the UK is dragging its feet but the writing is on the wall, and Bernie knows it is just a matter of time. Very little time. Her phone beeps with yet another message from Eliot.

_We may have a problem getting you out of here by the weekend. The Indonesian government has closed the borders and is refusing to allow international flights in or out from either Jakarta or Yogyakarta. Negotiations are ongoing between us and the government. Fingers crossed._

Fuck! Bernie draws hard on her cigarette and exhales in an angry cloud. She has one more patient to see before she heads back to her room and another fruitless online search for transport. It’s the appendicitis patient whose life she saved over a week ago. The peritonitis left him with a nasty infection and he has been in intensive care for a while, for that and his coronavirus infection. Now, almost recovered, he is awaiting his final COVID tests in order to get permission to go home.

As Bernie approaches the bay in full PPE in the COVID section of the field hospital, there’s a woman in a face mask with a young child hovering next to the observation window. The woman stops and makes eye contact with Bernie.

“Are you his doctor?” she asks.

“I’m the surgeon who operated on him, yes,” replies Bernie, aware that her spacewoman appearance can hardly be reassuring.

“I just want to thank you. I’m his wife. This is his daughter. He would have died if you had not been here, I’m sure. I’m so grateful to you.”

Bernie feels embarrassed by the woman’s fulsomeness but she is gracious in accepting the thanks.

“It was my pleasure. But your husband is fortunately a fit and healthy man and he will make a good recovery from both this and the virus. My hope is that he can be released later today.”

“Thank you again, Doctor. I would shake your hand, but the virus…”

“Yes, quite. Don’t worry about that. I’m sure he’ll soon be back with you.”

Inside the bay, the patient is grinning cheerfully. He is a Chinese-Indonesian who has given his name as Thomas Wu, and speaks excellent English with a Malaysian inflexion.

“So, am I out of here, Doctor Wolfe?” he asks.

“Just waiting for the final test results- if you’re negative this time you can go,” she confirms.

“I can’t thank you enough for what you did. The Indonesian specialist I saw after the operation said you performed a miracle. He said that if you had not been there I would have died. Our doctors, sadly, are not so skilled as someone like you.”

“Yes, you were lucky, Mr. Wu. But in another fifteen minutes I wouldn’t have been able to save you. You can thank whoever got you in here in time, not only me.”

“Please, call me Thomas. But I’m wondering, Doctor, why you are still here when the COVID virus is now spreading to Europe. What about your family?”

“Yes, well, I’m actually trying to get back but there are no flights. And now Indonesia is closing its borders. It’s very difficult. In fact, I shouldn’t even be here talking to you but ..here we are,” she spreads her hands in a gesture of helplessness.

“Where do you need to go?” he asks, animated, leaning forward.

“Anywhere I can get an onward flight to the UK, where the borders are still open.”

“Dubai?” he asks, a strange light in his eyes.

“Er..Dubai..yes, maybe, but what…?” she ‘s puzzled.

“Doctor, you don’t know me, but I am a very important man in Yogyakarta. I have close connections to the government and a private Gulfstream plane waiting at the airport to take me – or anyone else- anywhere they want to go. I can put this at your disposal. You saved my life. It’s the least I can do.”

Through her visor, Bernie’s eyes mist up. “Are you for real?” she asks, her voice breaking, hardly daring to believe she’s hearing correctly.

“I am, yes. I can get you permission to leave Indonesia in my plane in one or two days. And I can offer the Indonesian government to bring back supplies of essential medicines and PPE from the Gulf, in return for allowing you to depart. I will make some phone calls and I will let you know in one hour. The you can book onward transport from Dubai. I have permission to land there and to park my plane, so it is a win-win, yes?”

Bernie nods, feeling overwhelmed by this man’s kindness, and scrabbles to write down her phone number and email for him to contact her.

“In one hour, Doctor Wolfe,” Thomas says, waving the paper at her.

**One hour and fifteen minutes later.**

_Serena, I have good news. Just confirmed I can get a flight to Dubai connecting with an Emirates flight to London on Saturday 21 st. I’ll be with you on Sunday. _

Serena looks at her phone and bursts into tears. Donna rushes over.

“Serena, what is it?”

“It’s Bernie. She’s coming home,” she says, sobs still wracking her chest.


	3. New Challenges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The UK moves towards lockdown, and the situation at Holby City Hospital worsens. The day before Bernie is due to arrive, Serena falls ill. Jason, who has moved in with Serena at Greta's suggestion, steps up to the plate. Meanwhile, Bernie discovers the reason why Cameron has left Holby, and she is deeply disturbed. She leaves Indonesia, helped by the mysterious Thomas Wu, but on arrival, as an immediate lockdown is announced, she finds herself trapped in a difficult situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, let me apologise to anyone reading this who works for the NHS and finds serious discrepancies between fiction and reality. I am not a doctor, nor did I go through lockdown in the UK, so my experience is based on what I have read and heard from friends and media sources. There is reference to canon events concerning Cameron, but the timeline and other facts have been changed to facilitate the storyline. Angst is part of the overall landscape but rest assured none of our characters will be killed off.

**March 18 th, 2020**

With Bernie’s return confirmed, Serena faces the rest of the day with renewed energy. She is especially relieved to get an update from Sacha on Henrik, who, despite a few days hovering on the brink of needing to be ventilated, has now rallied with the retrovirals and is slowly recovering from his bout of COVID. But as Sacha warns her, it is unlikely he’ll be fit for work for quite some time. Serena is just happy he’s alive and goes to wave at him through the observation window. Henrik is pale and weak- looking but he gives her a thumbs up.

She finally wraps up at 8pm and is about to leave when she gets a call from Jason. Naturally, she has visited him and his little family since arriving back in Holby, the pace of work has been such that most of their meetings have been “hellos” at work.

“Hi Jason,” she begins, but he cuts in quickly. “Auntie Serena, can I come to visit you tonight? Have you left work yet?”

“I’m just leaving,” she says. “Do you need a lift?”

“No thank you, Auntie Serena, I’m going to walk. It’s only twenty minutes so I’ll be there just after you.”

Jason is as good as his word, and when he arrives, Serena lets him in. She notices he is carrying a duffle bag and a laptop case.

“Greta says to tell you sorry that she can’t come and bring Guinevere, but we’ve decided that she needs to shield in case I catch the virus.”

“I see,” Serena says, as light begins to dawn. “And would those bags you’re carrying have anything to do with it?”

“Yes, I was about to tell you,” he explains. “Greta thinks that it’s better if she goes to live with her parents for a while and takes Guinevere with her. She works at home, as you know, and that way, her parents can take care of Guinevere while she’s busy, and she can shield with them. We have to be sure of her income in case something happens to me, and she needs to take care of her parents, too.”

“And what about you, Jason?”

“Greta says that people who work in hospitals are 78% more likely to carry the virus home, so that means you and me, Auntie Serena. I could live in my own house on my own but if there’s a lockdown, and we think it must be very soon, you and I would be alone and no one can visit us if we get ill.”

“Bernie will be here,” Serena says firmly.

“Yes, I know. But we will all be working at the hospital so if someone gets sick, they will need others to help them if they are isolating. Greta thinks I should move back in with you and Bernie so that we can all help each other.”

Serena is faintly ashamed that her first thought is reluctance at having to share her and Bernie’s private space, but then she realises that Greta, in her usual forthright and pragmatic way, has offered them all a practical solution.

“You know what, Jason? I think that’s a very good idea. But if we have a lockdown, you do realise you won’t be able to visit Greta and Guin, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course. But they will have Greta’s parents, and will be safe. And I will take care of you and Bernie, and if I get ill, you will take care of me. These are exceptional times, Auntie Serena, we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good.”

Serena recognises this as having come from a speech she has heard recently, maybe on the TV, but she is deeply touched by his concern.

“So do these bags mean you’re moving in tonight?”

**March 20 th 2020**

Bernie has heard nothing from her son or her ex-husband since the news that Cameron was moving to London, and after leaving several voicemail messages and getting no reply from Cameron, she finally calls Marcus. They have been a lot friendlier since Bernie married Serena and went to live on the other side of the world, and Marcus remarried, but she is not expecting much given the circumstances. Bernie uses WhatsApp to call, waking up early so that she can catch him before he goes to bed rather than during the working day. The phone rings for quite a while before Marcus answers- “Bernie?” he says, and she hears a door shutting, so presumably he doesn’t want his wife to overhear.

“Hello Marcus. I hope you’re well. How are you all coping?”

“It’s a nightmare, although St. James has it easier than Holby, being private, but we’ve had quite a few referrals due to lack of space over the road, so to speak. Anyway, I’m fine, thank goodness. I’m on emergency surgery, not COVID, so I’ve been able to distance myself a bit.”

“And your wife - Kimberley, is it?”

“Yes, Kim’s fine. She’s a Ward manager on Obs and Gynae, so it’s not too bad for her. But where are you, Bernie? Have you managed to get back yet?”

“I’m about to leave, I’ll be back on Sunday,” she says. “But nice though it is to hear you’re OK, I really wanted a bit of a heads up about Cam before I arrive.”

“Ah.” Marcus falls silent.

“Marcus? Is there something going on?”

She hears Marcus sigh, then he says “Cam got himself into a spot of bother with a girl- well what else? You know what a soft touch he is.”

“What kind of bother?” Bernie puts some steel into her tone.

“In a nutshell - and I don’t have all the details exactly, just what he’s told me- he was keen on this registrar who had an abusive boyfriend. At some point, she dumped the boyfriend and he turned nasty, followed her, attacked her, it was all serious, police involved etcetera. Anyway, it seems she had stabbed him while defending herself, and he died of his wounds. Cam says it was a pretty classic self-defence case. Anyway, the guy was on Cam’s ward and Cam was the last person to see him before he died. Cam had been dating this woman before this happened, and they carried on dating once she had recovered. But at some point he must have told her he was the last person on the scene before this character went into cardiac arrest and died, and she -obviously unstable, but Cam would be the last to notice that- “ Bernie grits her teeth but her annoyance is competing with her need to hear the rest of the story, so she lets Marcus continue, “- well, she suddenly accused Cam of killing him.”

“What?” Bernie gasped.

“Yeah, ridiculous, right? I mean, Cam-“

“Yes, OK Marcus, I get the picture. So what happened next?”

“Well it seems this was just between them, and at first he thought she was still just suffering the after -effects of the attack, then after a while, she started saying that she would report him for attempted murder. Cam knew he wasn’t guilty, and the girl is clearly disturbed, so when she dumped him, he decided to leave, give her space to recover and so on.”

“And you facilitated this by _suddenly_ finding a job vacancy in London?” Bernie is incredulous.

“OK, I had to pull one or two strings.”

Bernie can hardly believe it, but Marcus sounds proud of himself.

“And you don’t think it would be better for Cam to stay and face up to the accusation which, you say, is absurd, and prove his innocence?”

“Look, she’s crazy, obviously. She needs psychiatric help. Him staying there is just making it worse.”

“And running away is a solution?” In the instant she says it, Bernie knows she has walked into a trap of her own making. Marcus doesn’t disappoint.

“Well, you should know, I suppose.”

Bernie is furious with herself and not a little disappointed that he just can’t let things go.

“That was below the belt, Marcus. I may not be the world’s best emotional communicator, but I have never in my life run away from an accusation of professional malpractice. “

“But that’s the point, Bernie. There IS no accusation. It was all in the girl’s head.”

“If she’s a registrar she must be older than Cam, so she’s hardly a ‘girl’, Marcus.”

“Whatever, stop picking holes, Bernie. I did the boy a favour. He’s wet enough as it is, but leaving him at the mercy of some neurotic …”

“OK, Marcus, let’s leave it at that until I get back and find out the details, shall we? In the meantime, if we go into lockdown, and if there IS an accusation against Cameron, this could drag on for quite some time.”

Marcus is silent, and suddenly Bernie gets it. This is what it’s all about- Cam had begged Marcus to get him away from Holby so that by the time the virus situation allowed normal life to resume, all would be forgotten.

She’s starting to understand that there is a lot more to this than meets the eye.

**March 20 th\- 21st 2020**

Serena cannot remember a day like this ever. By the time she gets home, it is almost 10pm, she is aching from head to foot, her head is throbbing and she has marks all over her face from wearing full PPE all day as she operated on people who might or might not test positive for the virus. The testing procedure is ridiculous- a 24-48 hour wait for results, so people coming into AAU with other conditions must be treated a suspicious in order to protect the lives of crucial NHS staff. The lack of PPE has caused huge problems, and Serena has been as conscientious as she can possibly be with her staff. Lou is diabetic, so she keeps her out of theatre as much as possible and always makes sure she has the best protection available. Donna and Xavier, as young, healthy people who have had the virus, are more willing to take risks and let others have the extra layer of PPE. Serena herself has also been forced to operate with makeshift protective garb, but she feels she has no choice. Her time is split between admin duties and surgery, and as a leader she has to show willing, and so she has tended to put faith in her strong constitution and use the less than perfect stuff once or twice.

She is immensely grateful to Jason, who, having nominated himself her protector, has made sure she always has a meal when she gets home much later than him. Since marrying, Jason has taken up cooking, under Greta’s guidance, and so far everything has been perfectly acceptable. Tonight, however, she’s so tired that she can’t eat a thing.

“But Auntie Serena, I made your favourite tomato and basil soup,” Jason protests. “With parmesan croutons!”

For some reason, the very thought of parmesan croutons almost makes Serena retch. 

“I’m sorry, Jason, and I’m sure it’s delicious, but could we pop it in the fridge for tomorrow? I’m just so exhausted, I don’t think I can eat. I’m just going to make a cup of chamomile tea. I have to sleep.”

Jason's face shows his disappointment, but he understands. As she moves towards the bedroom, he says “When was your last COVID test, Auntie Serena?”

“Yesterday morning. Why, Jason?”

“Have you had the results?”

“They should be notifying me tomorrow. Is there something bothering you?”

“Well, you don’t seem very well to me, and I know you’re tired, but not all COVID patients have the cough and temperature. If you don’t feel better tomorrow morning, I think you should stay at home and isolate until you get the result. And I have to isolate with you.”

Serena is taken aback, but then she realises he is right. How irresponsible of her not to have considered it.

“Jason, love, I hope you’re not right, but in case you are, we should take precautions. Could you make me the tea and just leave it outside my door? I won’t come in the kitchen in case of contamination. I need to get these clothes off and shower"

“Yes, of course, Auntie Serena. Go to bed, I’ll take care of it.”

It’s all Serena can do to strip off her clothes in the ensuite and get into the shower but she forces herself, making the water as hot as she can, then brushing her teeth and putting on her pyjamas. When she hears a soft knock at her door, she goes to open it, standing well back. Jason, now wearing a face mask and nitryl gloves, hands her a mug.

“Gosh, Jason, that’s…you’re well prepared.”

“We can’t take any risks, Auntie Serena. I’m doing a deep clean of the kitchen and living room, so please stay in your room until we get the test results tomorrow. Give me your laundry basket and everything you were wearing. I’ll put it all in the washing machine on 60 degrees.”

“Right…” Serena is speechless for once. She doesn’t think her pink silk blouse will survive a wash at 60 degrees and a vigorous spin, but she is swaying with exhaustion. After handing over the laundry she says good night to Jason and collapses into bed.

**March 21 st -22nd, 2020**

Bernie says a sad and emotional good bye to Eliott and her colleagues at the Yogyakarta Field Hospital and gets into the Mercedes which has come to take her to the airport. Sitting in the back is Thomas Wu, wearing a face mask. Bernie hastily pulls hers on and gets in next to him, although she knows he is no longer infectious. The driver is separated from them by a perspex screen.

“Thomas, what are you doing out and about? You should rest.”

“Thanks to you, Doctor Wolfe, I am feeling fine and I need to come to the airport with you to instruct them about the PPE collection.”

“You’ve ordered it from Dubai, right?”

“Yes, I have arranged for a consignment from China to the Gulf to be diverted and the plane can bring it back. “

Bernie thinks rapidly. She has heard from Serena that the UK is already experiencing a shortage of PPE.

“Could I, um, buy some of this PPE from you, Thomas, just enough to carry and take through Customs? I hear my colleagues in the UK don’t have enough.”

“Of course, Doctor, but please, let’s not talk about ‘buying’. Tell me what you need and I will arrange it.”

They discuss packaging and weight and finally decide that Bernie will take one box weighing around 20kg containing 500 sets of masks, gloves, oversuits, and aprons, and 50 reutilizable face shields, which she can claim she needs for her job. Any more, and Customs may ask too many questions. 

On arrival at the airport, Thomas escorts her to the Gulfstream. The Immigration Officer nods deferentially to Thomas and gives her passport a cursory glance as he stamps it. She has no sooner settled in (relieved to find the plane very luxurious and empty apart from the pilot and one cabin crew), than her phone rings. Serena.

“Darling,” Bernie says joyfully, “I’m just leaving Indonesia. I’ll call you when I land at Heathrow tomorrow morning.”

“Bernie, I’m afraid I have some bad news. I’m positive for the virus. I have to self-isolate until I get the all clear.”

“What? Oh no, Serena. Are you ill?”

“Well, I threw up my breakfast this morning and I have a temperature and I ache all over, but no cough yet. It’s bearable at the moment. But maybe you’d better think about staying somewhere else. Jason is with me, so he’ll have to isolate too, and so will you if you stay here.”

“Are you kidding? I’m coming to take care of you. Jason and I will manage. I also have a box full of PPE I’ve managed to scrounge from a contact here. So we’ll be fine. Just rest.”

“The government is talking about locking down next week. So if you do come here, we’ll all be stuck together for the duration.”

Her voice sounds weak and as if she is on the verge of crying. Bernie, still elated at being on her way home, is shocked.

“Just hang in there, Serena. I’ll be there and we’ll survive this together. I’m so glad Jason is with you. Look, I have to go- I’ll call when we land and I should be with you by lunchtime tomorrow. That is, within 24 hours.”

The cabin crew member is strapping herself into her seat, motioning for Bernie to switch off her phone, and the wheels are rolling.

“Bye darling. I love you,”

All she hears is a faint and sad sounding “bye” before the roar of the engines drowns out the sound and Bernie switches her phone to flight mode.

***

Eight hours and thirty minutes later, and well rested, Bernie disembarks in Dubai. It’s the middle of the night and the temperature is a balmy 25 degrees. Bernie breathes the dry, soft air with gratitude. Halfway home. A masked Asian man in a dark suit is standing at the foot of the steps as she exits.

“Doctor Wolfe?” he asks.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I am staff of Thomas Wu. Please come with me.”

Bernie is impressed by Wu’s attention to detail and follows the man into the transit area where he asks her to wait as he goes to another entrance to receive a parcel.

“Now we check this in”, he says, carrying the clearly quite heavy box to one of the desks. Bernie trots behind him, pulling her trolley case. She knows that normally, she would need to go through arrivals before checking in again for the Emirates flight to London, but the man beckons her to follow as he opens doors, nods at officials and arranges for her trolley and the box to be checked in at a desk marked Business Class. He hands her a pen.

“You see label on box? Please write your address in England and name so you find box when you arrive.”

Bernie does as she is told, noticing that the box bears no external signage indicating the contents. As she puts it on the scale, the staff member asks for her electronic boarding pass and then issues her with her paper pass and an invitation to the Business lounge. Thomas Wu’s staff member then bows briefly, wishes her a good flight and disappears.

Bernie doesn’t think too hard about any of this. She’s in a sort of a dream, going home, desperate to get back to her wife, all her mind and body engaged in a forward motion that allows no other thought to interfere. But once the supremely comfortable Airbus A380 lifts off and Bernie has a whisky in her hand and time to let her thoughts wander, she gets the uncomfortable feeling that there is something not quite right about Thomas Wu and his connections. Diverting a massive consignment of PPE from China to the Middle East and sending it back to Indonesia? Could she have been facilitated by the overseas Chinese mafia? And although she got her PPE, she wonders what else the Gulfstream may be carrying back to Indonesia, where no one will question what Thomas Wu is doing or bringing into the country. Or maybe she just has an overactive imagination.

**March 22 nd 2020**

As Bernie takes the M4 exit towards Holby in her rental car, the eleven o’ clock news comes on and the government announces that the UK will be locked down from midnight tonight.

 _Just in time,_ thinks Bernie grimly. By the time she pulls up in front of her apartment, it is close to midday and she has made good time. She collects her trolley and the box from the boot and rings the doorbell. Someone buzzes her up. When she arrives, she sees Jason in a face mask standing by the door.

“Hello Bernie. Auntie Serena has the virus but I’m OK. I’ve deep cleaned the kitchen and the living room. Auntie Serena is staying in her room. But as I’m in the spare room I don’t know where you’re going to sleep. You can’t sleep with Auntie Serena.”

Bernie is suddenly hit with the reality she has come back to. She puts the box down carefully on the kitchen unit and takes off her coat. Then she turns to Jason, who is keeping his distance from her.

“Well, if you’re OK with us sharing a bathroom, and I promise not to move your shampoo, I’m happy to sleep on the sofa. It’s actually a sofabed, I bought it when I moved in.”

“Bernie, have you had a test? Did they test you at the airport?” Jason asks.

“Yes, Jason, I got tested before I left and I’m negative. There were no checks at Heathrow, which is crazy, but I’ve been socially distancing all the way back, too. I feel fine, so we should be OK. And now I’m going to see Serena”, and she takes a knife from the kitchen and starts cutting open the box of PPE.

***

Serena wakes from an uneasy slumber, her head pounding. She feels as though she has no energy anywhere in her body. As she slowly opens her eyes she starts violently on seeing a strange shape at the foot of her bed.

“Serena, darling, sshh, it’s me, it’s OK”, and Bernie, in full spacewoman PPE, is suddenly there, sitting on the side of the bed and holding her hand in her double gloved one.

“Bernie,” Serena bursts into tears of relief. She just wants to hold her wife but can see this is totally impractical. “You shouldn’t be in here”, is all she can manage, gripping a gloved hand as fiercely as she can.

“Well I am, and I’m protected. I brought some stuff with me. So I’ll be your personal physician. Whatever made you think you could keep me away?” and Bernie smiles through the Perspex visor, her eyes warm and inviting.

It’s only as she’s taking off the PPE in the hallway, putting it into a black bag, and spraying the visor with isopropyl alcohol, that she realises she is now compromised. If she stays here, she will have to self-isolate for fourteen days, which means she can’t go to work. There isn’t really enough room for all three of them to be stuck in this flat for weeks on end. She could send Jason back to his own house, but if he becomes ill, alone, well, it doesn’t bear thinking about. Jason seems to sense her thoughts.

“Bernie, I think you should go and stay at the hospital. The flat is disinfected and you took all precautions so you should be OK. I have to self-isolate now anyway, so I can take care of Auntie Serena, but there’s no reason for you not to go to work. The hospital needs you. This is still your home, so when she’s better, you can move back in. You’re both key workers, so you’ll be able to travel between here and the hospital during lockdown.”

Bernie realises he’s right. Her next question sticks in her throat, but Jason anticipates that, too.

“And if Auntie Serena gets worse, you can come in your PPE to help her or take her to hospital. But if you stay here, you won’t be able to go outside.”

“What a wise young man you’ve turned out to be,” Bernie says, smiling affectionately at him as a sad memory of her having said something similar to Cam a few years ago flashes across her mind. How she wishes that were still true. And how can she get to the bottom of his latest predicament if she is trapped here for two weeks?

“Serena’s sleeping,” Bernie tells Jason. Send me a message when she wakes up and I’ll call her and explain. And take good care of her, of both of you, Jason. Call me at any time if you need help.”

“You can rely on me,” Jason says proudly. “Just leave some sets of PPE here in case.”

As Bernie drives away she thinks how far Jason has come in the years since she’s known him, and how she is sure that, for the moment, Serena could not be in safer hands.


	4. The Crisis Builds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie gets the story from Ange on what has been happening with Chloe, Evan and Cameron. Fletch fills in the gaps. Serena develops respiratory distress and is admitted to Intensive Care. Fletch and Ric suggest a source of legal help for Cameron, but Bernie is conflicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, do please overlook any medical faux pas or violations of NHS procedures. This broadly follows events in canon regarding Cameron and Chloe, but there are some changes - timeline differences, and Chloe was attacked at her home, not in a "Cottage" belonging to Bernie, she didn't get pregnant as a result of the rape, and Cameron is not suffering from grief.

**March 25 th, 2020**

Bernie meets Sacha at the entrance to the COVID ward as he is helping a recovered Henrik Hanssen to walk out. Hanssen gives her a cheerful wave and Bernie has a sudden impulse to hug him, but the new culture of not touching makes her hold back. Sacha is beaming.

“And here’s our CEO restored to health!” he trumpets. Hanssen gives a wry smile.

“Almost, Sacha, but not quite.”

“You’re going home, Henrik, and you’re resting at least until the end of this week,” Bernie orders. Henrik salutes “Yes, Ma’am. I know the ship is in good hands! But how’s Serena?”

“I’ve spoken to her several times every day on Face Time and she’s still very fatigued and has a slight temperature, and a bit of a cough, but so far no breathing problems.”

“Well please send her my regards. I hope she’ll soon be back with us.”

“Will do.”

Since Bernie arrived back at the hospital, Ric, now without Serena’s support, has unashamedly dumped on her both leadership of AAU and overall management of COVID teams, all of which Bernie naturally thrives on. She smiles at Henrik and waves back as Sacha takes him to the exit to get a taxi.

At the entrance to AAU, Ange materialises in front of her.

“Well, all’s quiet for the first time in ages. Bernie, I’ve been meaning to have a chat with you. Shall we get a coffee in Pulses?” Bernie agrees readily.

Thankfully, Pulses has remained open although only hospital staff are admitted, and a new Perspex screen separates the customers from the employees, now all masked and gloved.

Ange has been an absolute godsend in Serena’s absence, running AAU while Bernie deals with the COVID wards and operating together with her on urgent cases. But they’ve hardly had time to draw breath. Bernie has had to push her concerns about Cameron to the back of her mind for the last few days, but now her anxiety comes flooding back.

“Do you want to tell me about Cameron’s relationship with Chloe?” Bernie asks as soon as Ange sits down opposite her. Ange looks directly at Bernie with her wide, deep blue eyes.

“There’s stuff you need to know, Bernie, but this isn’t about talking behind his or her back, you understand. You need to have an idea of the context of what was happening here. Chloe’s very vulnerable. I’d like to put you in the picture, but first tell me what you know.”

Bernie recounts what Marcus told her in a few sentences, adding the information that he helped Cameron get away from Holby, believing that his presence wasn’t helping Chloe.

“I see. Well, I’ve nothing against Cameron, Bernie. He’s a nice young man, he had a rough start on Darwin with Jac, but he’s put in the effort and he’s popular and doing very well. I’ve worked with him a bit here and there and I was happy that Chloe seemed to be getting over Evan and what happened last autumn. She and Cameron were friends, both on Darwin from the beginning, and before she married Evan.”

“She was _married_ to Evan?” this is news to Bernie, so Ange explains the background, how Evan and Chloe had split up, then how he had charmed his way back into her affections and persuaded her to marry him in hospital after he was injured by a patient. How, on his recovery, he had become more and more possessive and obsessive about her until she finally left him, after which, he stalked her, finally breaking into her house and raping her. How, in the struggle, Chloe had stabbed him with scissors and how he had later died of his wounds.

“Wow!” Bernie sits back in her chair. “Poor Chloe. But what a lucky escape from a monster.”

“Well yes, that’s what you'd think. We also found out that Evan had done this before, to another woman he’d been married to, was still married to in fact, and had a child with, and who was now terrified of him. You won’t find anyone defending Evan, Bernie. The man was sick, and a chronic abuser. Everyone could see it except Chloe. But Chloe got it in her head that she was guilty of murder. Of course, it was self-defence. We talked to lawyers, we got her talking to a psychologist here at the hospital, we did everything we could to make her see that this was his fault, not hers. And for a while it seemed to be working. She moved into the house Cameron shares with another junior doctor, close to the hospital. She came back to work. It was no surprise to me that after a few months she seemed to be dating Cameron, who had been a good friend throughout, a stable influence, I thought. “

“So what happened?” Bernie is puzzled.

“Evan has a sister, Phoebe, and they were very close. I’d say she was in deep denial about his character. She started hanging round the hospital trying to talk to Chloe, trying to put the idea in her head that Evan would still be alive if Chloe hadn’t stabbed him. I was furious, after all we’d done, that this sister could so easily come along and destabilise her. I tried to get Phoebe barred, but she kept finding her way in and eventually she met Cameron. And realised he was close to Chloe.” Ange stops. Looks down.

“And?” prompts Bernie, her heart beating fast.

“And she goaded and taunted him until he told her he was the last person to see Evan alive and that he deserved everything he had coming to him.”

Bernie’s heart sinks. _Oh God, what next_?

“So, Phoebe started asking around, and told Chloe that she’s making an official complaint that her brother died as a result of deliberate medical negligence on the part of a jealous boyfriend. Chloe, still highly susceptible, convinced herself that Phoebe was right, so she confronted Cameron with this news and broke off the relationship.”

“But there’s no evidence to suggest this is the case, right? That Cameron was deliberately negligent?”

“There’s no _evidence”,_ Ange draws out the word in her Glasgow brogue, “but unfortunately there’s no _evidence_ either that that’s not what happened. It’s on the police record that Cameron was the last person to see Evan alive and it was he who called the crash team. But it was too late to save him.”

“Was there an enquiry?” all Bernie’s instincts are now on the defensive.

“At the time, yes, but there was nothing untoward – he had a sudden stroke, it was unexpected. There were no drugs in his system that shouldn’t have been there, he was wired up to machines- I mean the enquiry didn’t find anything suspicious. He’d been left alone for a few minutes and when Cam came by and saw he was critical, he sounded the alarm.”

“So is this complaint now officially on record?”

“I’m not sure”, Ange seems to be hedging. “Chloe’s off on sick leave again. She’s a mess. Now Phoebe has put this idea in her head, she’s suspicious of everyone. Was Evan a good guy and Cameron the bad one who tried to get her for himself? Was it the other way round? Then all the guilt about stabbing him…..”

“So, let’s be clear,” Bernie says firmly. “If there’s an official complaint, Cam needs a lawyer-“

“Not only Cameron, I’m afraid,” Ange suddenly directs her blue gaze at Bernie. “This morning Fletch told me that Phoebe is instructing a lawyer to accuse Chloe of murder with Cameron as accomplice. I haven’t told Chloe yet. I don’t know how.”

Bernie groans and puts her head in her hands, but at that moment, her phone rings and she glances at the screen.

“Sorry, I have to take this,” she says, standing up as Ange nods and looks at the table, absently drawing patterns in a sugar spill.

“Jason? What’s up?”

“It’s Auntie Serena. She says she has pain in her chest and she can hardly breathe. It happened suddenly. I went to collect her lunch tray and she called me to open the door. She looks terrible. I’m scared, Bernie. Please come.”

“She needs to get into hospital, Jason. Don’t move, tell her we’re on our way. I’ll call an ambulance.”

“Ange, we need to resume at another time. Serena’s critical with COVID, I have to go,” and she starts striding away.

“Please give Serena my love,” Ange calls. “We’ll take good care of her here.”

Bernie doesn’t bother with calling but sprints down to the paramedic station and shouts at the dispatcher “Who’s up?”

The dispatcher points at a man and woman opening PPE packs.

“Urgent,” Bernie tells them. “My house. I’m coming with you,” and she waves her badge at them. The dispatcher takes one look at the badge and indicates they should proceed, going back to her phone lines.

“Who the hell does she think she is?” the male paramedic asks his partner. She blushes, well aware, and part of the fan club that has suddenly sprung up since Major Wolfe reappeared on the scene, but before she can speak Bernie barks at him “Berenice Wolfe, consultant trauma surgeon, head of COVID management teams and ex-Army. Major Wolfe to you. Now chuck me some PPE and let’s get cracking. This is an emergency.”

The man is still staring, not quite believing what he’s just heard, but the woman grabs the packets of PPE and passes them to Bernie.

“I’m the driver”, she says. “If you’re going in with Seb, then I don’t need to get kitted out.”

While Bernie is putting on her suit, the driver watches her. “I’m Dave, Davina actually but, well…..everyone calls me Dave. Seb may seem like a bit of a twat but he’s OK really. So tell me, Major Wolfe, who’s the patient?”

“My wife,” explains Bernie, “Serena Campbell, also a consultant at Holby. 54, no underlying conditions, COVID positive for ..um..five days, fever, fatigue, aches, nausea, now today she has a chest pains and severe respiratory distress. Her nephew is with her, he called me. We need to get her on oxygen fast.”

“Consider it done,” Dave says, climbing into the cab while Bernie joins Seb in the back of the ambulance.

“We’re nearly there, Jason,” Bernie says into the phone. Have the door open and ready for people in space suits to barge in”.

At the address, Bernie and Seb leave the ambulance and enter the building. Seb has a folding wheelchair, and an oxygen tank strapped to his back. They ascend to the third floor where Jason is waiting in mask, gloves, and apron. He indicates Serena’s room, with the door open. Bernie races inside and takes Serena’s hands. Her chest is rising and falling in raspy, panic breaths, so Bernie says “Calm down, I’m here, you’re going to be fine”. Seb moves in and fits the oxygen mask over Serena’s mouth and attaches the tank to the wheelchair. Bernie keeps hold of her hand until she can feel her breathing slow and ease a little. Then she nods and Seb gently lifts Serena into it, and they take her outside to the ambulance. As they leave, Bernie says to Jason “I’ll come back to visit you as soon as I can. Keep the gloves on and an apron and wash all the sheets and towels and clothes from Serena’s room. We’ll deal with cleaning the room later. “

Strictly speaking, Berenice Wolfe should never have been allowed to attend to her own wife, but in a COVID emergency, things were not always so clear-cut. Once they are inside the ambulance, Bernie sits back and lets Seb take over. He turns out to be extremely thorough but also gentle, and by the time they arrive at Holby City hospital, Serena is breathing more easily, though her chest is still painful, but looking a lot less panicked.

“Which ward, Major?” Seb asks.

“COVID One, Intensive Care,” she says, calling Sacha and advising him that Serena is on her way in.

As Bernie opens the doors to take Serena out of the ambulance, Dave, who is not much older than Cameron, gets down from the driving seat and gives Bernie a wave.

“Good luck, Major”, she calls, as the tall, blonde surgeon in the spacewoman suit pushes her wife into the hospital.

Seb sees the look on her face. “You wish!”, he says, laughing, but not unkindly.

***

At seven pm, having checked that Serena is comfortable, that there is a qualified nurse present at all times and that her stats are stable, Bernie allows herself to relax. Ric has allocated her a guest suite in the Visitors’ block, and, after stripping off the PPE and decontaminating, she goes there to shower and change into her usual skinny jeans with a pale pink chambray shirt. She wants to stay with Serena but she knows that she can’t sit all night wearing full PPE, in a chair, then get up to operate and function all the following day, so she has to trust the NHS staff. She also knows that Sacha spends every other night in an on-call room so that he can be on hand for any emergencies.

What Ange told her earlier now comes back to bother her. Fletch somehow found out about the potential criminal charge against Chloe and Cam and informed Ange. But if Chloe is as yet unaware of it, so, probably, is Cam. She doesn’t want to call Marcus at this stage, he will only make things worse. But she needs urgently to talk to her son. She tries once again to call him, but gets the usual voice message, so this time she leaves a warning.

“Cam, you’re either too busy to come to the phone or you’re avoiding me, but I have some very important news to share with you before I talk to Marcus. I’m in Holby, and Ange Goddard has been filling me in on what happened to make you leave. You may think you don’t need my help, but this time you really do. Call me before the authorities reach you. “

Then she calls Fletch, who is just leaving.

“Fletch, I’d like to have a word. I’m staying in the hospital, and we can’t go anywhere else, so could you come to my room in the Guest Suite? “

Fletch agrees, and Bernie thanks her lucky stars she did a supermarket run yesterday. When he arrives, Bernie invites him in and asks “Not rushing home to the kids?”

“My Dad moved in with us again shortly before the lockdown, thank God,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Now he’s the stay-at-home Dad and I’m on call more often than not. Sometimes I sleep over, I’m terrified of taking the virus back to him. “

“That must be difficult,” Bernie says. “And there’s Ange as well,”

Fletch looks embarrassed. “Look, Ange and me…it’s ..uh..complicated..”

“Come on Fletch, you know me, when are relationships ever NOT complicated?” going to the fridge and pulling out two bottle of Leffe and raising her eyebrows.

Fletch smiles and nods. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Bernie hands it to him, gets one for herself and then opens a pack of olives and another of crackers and a selection of cheese bites.

“Fletch, I asked you to come here because I need to know more about what’s happening with Cam and Chloe. Ange spoke to me today, she said you knew about this charge that Phoebe is trying to bring against both of them.”

Fletch has removed his leather jacket, now he rolls up his sleeves, and takes a hefty pull of quality Belgian beer.

“OK, so you want to know how I know, is that it?”

“Yes, first of all,” she confirms.

“Right, well, there’s no mystery, not really. This Phoebe, she’s been in our faces from Day One, but we didn’t pay her much attention. The latest bit of news came when she gave me an envelope in the car park, to give to the CEO. I opened it and went to Ric and we both agree it’s unlikely ever to see light of day. As I’m sure Ange has told you, there were no suspicious circumstances with the inquest into Evan’s death, but Chloe had to give evidence of how he came to have the stab wound that killed him. There’s a well documented case of self-defence. The outside of the house she was in was covered by cctv, so it’s clear he stalked her. He’d been there several times, breaking in and leaving messages and suchlike. Chloe never told us all of that. On the day he attacked her, he was caught on cctv breaking in and holding a knife, which was considered an offensive weapon. What happened inside was not caught on camera, but afterwards, when Ange reached her, Chloe had obviously been sexually assaulted, so Ange took her to the ED and had them use a rape kit. The report clearly stated that she had been brutally assaulted and that her injuries were those of someone trying to defend herself.”

“So how does Phoebe think she can bring a charge of murder against both Chloe and Cameron? Is there any evidence of collusion?”

“Not that we’re aware. But I have to tell you, Bernie, and I haven’t shared this with Ange. Cameron has been acting very oddly. He’s over defensive for one, but also, in the past, he expressed feelings of guilt that maybe he didn’t get help for Evan as quickly as he might have.”

“Shared with?” Bernie asks anxiously.

“His colleague, Nicky McKendrick. She talked to me but I’m sure she hasn't talked to anyone else.”

“OK, Fletch, thank you so much for being frank with me. I need to talk to Cam, he’s avoiding me, but I’m sure that with the right legal advice we can head this off.”

“I’m sure you can”, Fletch agrees, taking a cracker topped with cheese and popping an olive into his mouth. “But I don’t envy Ange having to deal with Chloe. She’s so conflicted that she could play right into Phoebe’s hands.”

*******

Serena is sitting up in bed with an oxygen mask on. She is breathing regularly but her chest is tight and she’s very worried. The last time Sacha came by, she heard him tell the nurse to watch Serena’s blood oxygen levels and to report any change. This is a familiar situation for Serena, having seen so many patients go through this already. Sacha has started her on the same retrovirals he used for Henrik Hanssen, and he has told Serena the pattern is similar, although her case is not as advanced as Henrik’s was when he was admitted. Serena is tired, exhausted, but sleep doesn’t come easily. She wishes Bernie could be with her, but she knows that her wife will be busy and needed elsewhere. She has been in to see Serena through the observation window several times, but as a closer visit entails getting fully kitted out, Serena knows Bernie doesn’t want to waste vital PPE unless there’s a serious reason.

Bernie is also finding sleep difficult. She doesn’t want to burden Serena with Cameron’s problem, not while she needs all her strength to fight the virus, but she wishes she had her wife’s wise counsel and moral support. On his way out, after eating all her cheese and crackers and downing two strong beers, Fletch had made an interesting remark.

“If you’re thinking of finding a lawyer for Cameron, you might wanna try that pal of Serena’s, Siân. “

“Siân?” Bernie was astonished. “How do you know her?”

“She came to talk to Ric when he had his spot of bother last year. Serena recommended her. She’s apparently very good with medical malpractice cases.”

Bernie is lying on her bed, still fully dressed, phone in hand, and hesitating. Her only contact with Siân has been the occasional dinner or drinks when she and Serena were visiting the UK. Bernie was not impressed. Siân is far too fond of the sound of her own voice, and showing off her physical assets for the benefit of -usually younger- men. Everything about Siân made Bernie want to run for the hills, but if she was Serena’s friend, there must be something good about her. Bernie looks at her watch. Ten thirty. Too late? She calls Ric and tells him that she knows about Phoebe. Then she asks for Siân’s number.

“That’s a good idea, Bernie. I was going to suggest her if anything actually came of this situation. She was very helpful to me when I had to face that inquest last year.”

Bernie dials the number. After two rings a familiar voice says “Siân Kors.”

“Siân, this is Bernie, Serena’s wife. I think I may be in need of your legal expertise.”


	5. Love Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena gets released from hospital and goes to live with Bernie. Bernie doesn't tell her everything she learns about Cameron, some of it from Jason, which horrifies her. Gradually Bernie and Serena drift back together as they fight the pandemic and plan their next moves. Sian plans a court case for Cameron, but an unexpected development intervenes. Cameron finally admits to Bernie that surgery is not his calling and both feel relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April is the cruellest month, breeding  
> Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing  
> Memory and desire, stirring  
> Dull roots with spring rain.  
> Winter kept us warm, covering  
> Earth in forgetful snow, feeding  
> A little life with dried tubers.
> 
> TS Eliot, "The Wasteland"

**March 26 th 2020**

“Cam, I need you to tell me your side of the story before we speak to a lawyer.”

Bernie has finally got Cameron on Face Time, and his manner is defensive, to say the least.

“I saw Evan in trouble, convulsing and I called for help, end of,” he says sullenly.

“Cam, I can’t put you together with a lawyer until I know all the potential weaknesses in your story. I’m not blaming you, I want to support you. Believe me, running away is no option if Evan’s sister takes out a private prosecution against you.”

“She can’t. It’s ridiculous. I mean, he attacked Chloe, he _raped_ her for fuck’s sake, how could Chloe have planned to kill him?”

“To be honest, I don’t think Phoebe’s got a leg to stand on. Neither does the lawyer I spoke to, or Ange or anyone who was with Chloe immediately after she was attacked. But where she _might_ try to prove a case is with the jealous boyfriend scenario- you let Evan die to get him out of the way.”

Cam says nothing but his mouth is furiously working around something, chewing gum maybe.

“I understand from Ange that Evan was working at Holby for a while. So you must have known him.”

“Yeah, too right I did. The guy was a creep and as devious as they come. I’m sure it was him who stuffed me up a few times- deleting things in my reports, taking my hospital pass and dropping it somewhere to make me look careless.”

“Do you have any proof of those things?”

“No,” Cam admits, hanging his head.

“Then leave it out. We need to focus on provable facts.”

Bernie continues with her questioning until she is sure she has a fairly accurate picture. She doesn’t ask the big question.

“Well don’t you want to know whether I let him die, Mum?” asks Cameron.

“That’s up to you Cam. From a legal point of view, as long as there is no evidence, and we have the facts of the inquest to support that, it’s not relevant. There are no witnesses.”

“And what about from your point of view?”

“If it makes you feel better, then yes, tell me the truth. But you know that whatever it is, Cam, you’re still my son and I will always do everything I can to help and support you.”

Cameron is silent for a minute. Then he looks up and says. “I saw him in trouble, and I waited. He begged me to help him and I didn’t. He deserved everything he got.”

“And how long would you say you waited? Long enough that a crash team could have made a difference?”

“I waited until he stopped talking, stopped begging me. Then I called for help. I knew it was too late. Is that what you want to hear?”

Now it’s Bernie’s turn to be silent. She simply doesn’t know what to say. All her life has been governed by strict rules, she has never, herself, had to face a dilemma like this. Maverick though she could sometimes be in extreme situations, everything in Bernie is programmed to save lives. For her it would be clear- regardless of who the man was, she would have followed her conscience and called for help. The fact that her son had deliberately let a man die was a shock. But now is not the time to throw the _Primum Non Nocere_ mantra at him. They will have to deal with that later.

Finally, she says. “I’m guessing you feel guilty now, is that why you ran away to London?”

He hesitates but finally admits “It was very hard, the inquest, all the interviews. And then Chloe dumped me, she just …believed all the crap Phoebe was pouring into her ears and there was nothing I could do. I asked Dad to help me get away. He understood.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Bernie says drily, wondering whether Marcus actually knows the whole situation or just Cam’s edited version. “So let’s focus on the practical side of things. I’ve talked to Siân, a friend of Serena’s who is a criminal barrister. She will work with you to build a defence if Phoebe can persuade someone to take this case. We have to hope she won’t.”

“Mum, I know you say this lawyer is Serena’s friend, but please don’t tell Serena what I’ve just told you. I..I don’t want her to think badly of me.”

Her son’s eyes, so like her own, are pleading with her. Part of her wants to tell him to grow a backbone and face up to what he’s done. The other part just sees the frightened eyes of her child. With a heavy heart, she promises.

**March 28 th, 2020**

Serena is feeling better. She’s been moved back to the general COVID ward and the oxygen is now only intermittent. Sacha says they will test her tomorrow and if all’s clear, and if she no longer needs the oxygen, she can go home. This is an immense relief. Serena finds herself longing for small comforts such as the power shower Bernie had installed in the flat, the supremely comfortable mattress, the coffee machine….. and just having people to talk to.

Serena has been unwell with COVID for nearly 10 days, and in hospital for four days, most of that in the ICU. In that time she has seen Bernie every day, but only managed to speak to her a couple of times. Last night she had turned up while Serena was chatting with Pilou and Tien on her iPad, and they had all waved through the observation window at her. There was no point in Bernie donning Level 3 PPE just for a chat. And Serena misses it desperately. Moreover, her anxiety about their future is still there. After the conversation back in Saigon over a year ago, when Serena had said “Let’s sleep on it”, she had come to the reluctant decision that holding Bernie back was probably counter -productive. Bernie had the risk gene, the urge to go and do good things in dangerous places. She was a Woman On A Mission. Privately, Serena believed that this had been Bernie’s way of compensating for what she saw as her shortcomings as a wife and mother. It was part punishment and part thrill, and she had become addicted. Now that she had nothing to feel guilty about any more, however, Serena saw how easy it was for her to get bored. Their life in Saigon, while perfect from Serena’s point of view- wonderful restaurants, a great and diverse community to belong to, fun evenings out, great friends, fabulous holidays in tropical places, not to mention low overheads and high salaries- could not satisfy Bernie’s deepest longings. When Eliot had come back into both their lives, she knew he had pushed a button and Bernie was itching to go. So Serena had made her decision. She waited until the following evening when both were free, then took Bernie to a quiet little Italian garden restaurant run by a Filipino couple which had excellent cheap pasta and wine, and where they were unlikely to meet any colleagues. And when the _carbonara_ (Serena’s) and the _arrabiata_ (Bernie’s) had been cleared away, leaving half a bottle of Nero d’Avola and a tiramisu to share, Serena made her statement. Reaching to capture one of Bernie’s hands, and with tears in her eyes, she said.

“Bernie, I’ve been thinking, if you gave it all up for me, I’d never forgive myself.”

Bernie couldn’t quite meet her eyes. Serena continued. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know this isn‘t enough for you, that I’m…..I can never be…”

“Serena!” Bernie said sharply. “Stop right there. You ARE enough for me, there’s no one else in the world I can imagine myself being with. You’re my wife, for better for worse, for richer for poorer etcetera. I meant every word I said. “

“I know you did, darling,” Serena said a little sadly. “That isn’t what I meant. I know that you’ll only be really happy when you’re off adventuring. I can’t always be with you. So I’ll have to let you go. Go and join the EMT team with my blessing. I know it’s what you want, and what you need.”

Bernie’s puppy dog eyes looked up at her with an expression she knew only too well.

“And stop feeling guilty! I know you still smoke, you don’t have to hide it from me. It’s who you are, and I accept it. Like this. It’s who you are, Bernie, my fantastic, fearless trauma surgeon. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Bernie’s eyes fill with tears, then she pours the last of the wine into their two glasses and holds hers up.

“Do you trust me, Serena?”

“Always,” Serena affirmed, clinking glasses.

“And do you believe that I’ll always come back to you? There will never be anyone else?”

That was a harder question. Serena couldn’t see how anyone could resist Bernie, but she had just said she trusted her, so she agreed. They clinked glasses. When they got home, Bernie showed her in many ways, for several hours, just how much she loved and adored and worshipped her, and Serena could not have felt more satisfied or more replete. But 48 hours later, Bernie was on a plane to Bangkok to start her training, with their CEO’s blessing.

*******

It’s Saturday and Bernie frees herself at 3pm to go and talk to Jason and prepare the house for Serena’s arrival. She takes a home testing kit with her for Jason to use so that he can go back to work as soon as possible. Jason has no symptoms of the virus and has not seen anyone or left the house since Serena was admitted to hospital. Bernie dons a face mask and carries hand sanitizer. Jason also opens the door wearing a face mask. They keep a good distance between them.

“It’s so nice to see you, Bernie,” Jason says. “I talk to Greta and Guin every day, twice, on Face Time, but otherwise it’s been a bit boring. I’ve rewatched all my Dr Who CDs and World’s Strongest Man programmes several times.”

Bernie smiles. “Serena is much better and she may be able to come home tomorrow. I’ve brought you a home testing kit. If we do this now, I can get a result for you by tomorrow so then you can go back to work if you’re negative.’

“And if I’m positive but without symptoms?” Jason has been reading everything he can find on the novel coronavirus.

“Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it,” Bernie smiles. “I’m going to do the home test with you, so that tomorrow all three of us will have a result and we’ll know where we stand.”

“Great,” Jason says, sighing. “I’ve washed all Auntie Serena’s clothes and sheets and towels but I haven’t yet cleaned the room as we agreed.”.

“That’s why I’m here,” Bernie smiles. “I’ll do her room and bathroom, and you just make sure the kitchen and living room surfaces are disinfected.”

She heads into bedroom with various sprays, cloths, a vacuum cleaner and a mop, emerging forty minutes later wiping her brow.

“OK that should do it. I’ve made the bed, too, and I’ll come back with her tomorrow if she’s OK and will stay with her.”

“Bernie, I have a confession,” Jason says in his forthright way. “I’m not quite sure what I can say to Auntie Serena about this-“ he brings his hands from behind his back and holds up a fluorescent pink blouse in some light, slinky material which is now crumpled from the most violent spin cycle, and with translucent patches where the fabric has been worn away.

Bernie recognises it and laughs. “Don’t worry, Jason. We’ll just hide it somewhere and I guarantee that Auntie Serena will not be cross. I’ll buy her some nicer ones.”

“It IS pretty hideous”, Jason agrees.

Bernie then puts her cleaning materials away and Jason makes tea and brings out some biscuits, telling her that Greta has organised food deliveries for him of his favourite things.

“Ooh, fig rolls, I love fig rolls,” says Bernie, falling on them hungrily and moving to the far side of the kitchen as she removes her mask.

“Yes, so do I, but Auntie Serena prefers Hob Nobs or chocolate digestives. Greta did send me some of those, too, for when she comes home". And Jason opens a cupboard which Bernie sees is practically collapsing under the weight of all the biscuits packed in there.

Bernie suppresses a giggle. “That’s very considerate, Jason. I’m sure Serena will really be looking forward to her biscuits.”

They eat and drink quietly for a while, then Jason says. “Bernie, there’s something that’s been bothering me and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, but I need to tell you. There’s something I don’t understand.”

Bernie hears the seriousness in his voice and gives him her full attention. He is wearing a deeply perplexed expression.

“Yes, what is it, Jason?”

“It’s about Cameron,” he says. Bernie’s heart starts beating faster and her anxiety ratches up a notch. The fig rolls suddenly sit uneasily in her stomach. She forces herself to nod and Jason, unaware, continues.

“You know he’s always treated me like a brother or a cousin. And I like that. I’ve never had a brother and only a female cousin, for a short while. So I like Cameron. But one day we had a patient who started choking in the lift when the lift got stuck and we were in there with him. We had a trolley and some equipment, so Cameron got a scalpel and was about to do a crycothyrotomy. It was the only way we could help him -the patient-breathe.”

“And?” Bernie is conscious of holding her own breath.

“And …and he couldn’t do it, so he gave me the scalpel and told me to do it.”

“What?” Bernie is incredulous. “You mean you….you made the incision with the scalpel?”

“Yes, it wasn’t so difficult. Cam showed me where to cut, and gave me a tube to put inside, then he helped me make sure it was done properly, and the man could breathe again.”

Bernie is struck speechless. Her son, a coward, and allowing an untrained hospital employee to carry out a practice he should have been more than capable of doing. She wonders what is coming next.

“So, what happened Jason? Did the patient complain? Did Cam get disciplined?”

“No,” Jason says, “and that’s the funny thing. I wanted to go and report to Ric Griffin, because I know I shouldn’t be doing that, but I saved the man’s life, so I wasn’t afraid to admit what happened. But Cam said I shouldn’t tell anyone because what I did was illegal, and if I reported it, I would lose my job. He said the patient was fine, and that we..I..saved his life, so no one needed to know.”

“I see,” Bernie says grimly. “So what happened when you both got out of the lift?”

“Everyone cheered Cameron,” Jason says, “and they called him a hero. And he never said a word about me doing it. And I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to lose my job or get him into trouble. But then I thought about it and I think it was wrong. If these things are allowed to happen, next time, a person might die.”

“You’re absolutely right, Jason,” Bernie says. Then a thought comes to her. “Did you tell Greta about this?”

He shakes his head sadly. “No, and that’s bad because I tell Greta everything, but Cam said I mustn’t even tell her in case she made me admit it and then I lose my job.”

The devious little bastard, thinks Bernie, filled with a mixture of rage against Cam and pity for poor Jason who, as usual, had tried to see only the good.

“So what do you think, Bernie? Was it wrong to keep it a secret?”

Bernie hesitates. Jason is the last person she would ever wish to lie to, but the can of worms he is asking her to open is too big for either of them.

“It was and it wasn’t,” she says finally. “Things are not always one hundred percent right or wrong, Jason. Sometimes we make decisions to protect other people by not telling the full story, and that’s what Cam did in order to avoid getting you into trouble. But at the same time, what he did in medical terms was very wrong. He shouldn’t have let you perform that procedure, it’s a highly specialised thing that a person must be properly trained to do. I’m very, very glad that you were able to do it exactly as he said, but he should have done it. Or, if he couldn’t, he should have called for help.”

“The lift wouldn’t move, and the patient’s face was turning blue. We had no choice. But Cameron was scared. I know he shouldn’t have been like that, but we had to save the man’s life.”

“Yes,” Bernie says. “The man was lucky that you were so calm and as a result he’s still alive. And he didn’t complain?”

“No, I don’t think he saw who did it- he had his eyes closed and he couldn’t breathe. When he could breathe again, he saw Cameron, and then the lift doors opened and they took him away.”

“That must have been very difficult for you, Jason, seeing Cam get all the praise when it was you who performed the procedure?”

“Yes, a bit, because it wasn’t true. And he knew it wasn’t. But I had to keep my promise not to say anything.”

Poor, poor Jason, thinks Bernie. He would certainly have been reprimanded, if not fired, for what he did, but Cameron would have been suspended, sued, struck off, it doesn’t bear thinking about. And he cynically took advantage of Jason’s good nature and their relationship to silence him. Bernie feels deeply ashamed that her own son has behaved in this way. She also wonders whether, even now, he hasn’t told her the whole truth about Chloe and Evan.

“You were very brave, Jason. I’m really impressed. In fact I’d give you a medal for bravery and quick thinking if I could, but Cam is right in one way. You could lose your job, and so could he if you told anyone. So if the patient is alive and well and there were no complications arising from the procedure, and as it happened a while ago, I think we should say nothing. But if anything like that ever happens again, with you or anyone else, you must tell Serena or me immediately, and we will take care of it, OK?”

“Thank you, Bernie. I feel better now it’s not just my secret any more.”

**29 th March 2020**

Serena is frustrated. She got the all clear an hour ago and is waiting for Bernie to come and collect her to go home. She has hardly seen her wife since yesterday morning, and as she knows Bernie has a day off, she is anxious not to waste any more time. Sacha has discharged her and she is sitting with her bag in the Reception area when Ange appears.

“Serena, you’re better!”

“Yes, it was a relatively mild dose, fortunately”, Serena says, her voice croaking a little. “But I’m all clear now. Ange, have you seen Bernie?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here. Bernie’s in a meeting and she told me to come and tell you she’ll be another 15 or 20 minutes.”

Serena looks at her watch impatiently. It’s after 2pm. She has waited all morning for the test result to come back, then for the discharge papers to be completed, and she has purposely skipped lunch knowing that she can get better food at home.

“Who is she in a meeting with on a Sunday?” she asks irritably.

“Um, it’s a colleague of Cameron’s, Nicky McKendrick. There’s some business she’s trying to sort out for him. I’m sure she’ll fill you in later. Look, why don’t we grab a coffee and a sandwich in Pulses? I haven’t had lunch yet so I’m starving.”

Serena reluctantly gives in. _This is not how I planned my Sunday lunch_ , she thinks, miserably biting into a hot cheese and tomato pannini. Ange sees her expression.

“Well, think of the alternative- it might have been the hospital’s oxtail soup, I saw that was on the menu”, she says, her eyes sparkling.

Serena makes a gagging gesture and both women laugh. “No, you’re right. I’ve lost over a stone being stuck in here,” Serena says. “And that’s not a bad thing really, though a juice diet and a boot camp would have been my first choice.”

They continue making friendly conversation until suddenly Serena catches sight of tousled blonde curls flying through the doorway. Bernie appears red-cheeked and out of breath. Her pale blue Oxford shirt is hanging outside her navy merino sweater and she appears sockless in cropped lightweight chinos and red Converse.

“Darling, you’ll freeze to death,” Serena greets her as Bernie bends to kiss her and give her a little hug.

“What? Oh, ran out of clean jeans and socks”, she admits pointing to her trolley. “That’s all for the washing machine. We’ll be home before you know it.”

They say good bye to Ange and Bernie takes Serena’s arm and walks her slowly and carefully out to her rental car.

**31 st March 2020**

Serena is recovering rapidly and hopes to be able to return to work by the end of the week. Bernie has been attentive, and it is wonderful to be with her wife and to enjoy sleeping with her and holding her again, though they haven’t yet tried anything more intimate. Jason also got a negative result and went back to work yesterday. He then informed them that as all three of them were well, he would now move back into his own empty home and let them be alone. Bernie has assured him that if he has any symptoms, she will make sure that he gets tested and will check on him regularly. She thinks he misses being able to watch all his programmes on his large TV screen in the peace and quiet of his own home.

Despite her relief at having Bernie back at home, and being together, Serena feels something is not right. Bernie has never explained why she was talking to Nicky McKendrick, and Serena has pushed it to one side in the need to talk about other, more pressing things. But finally she can contain her curiosity- and her questions about Cameron- no longer, and raises the subject over dinner. Jason has done all the grocery ordering online and has filled the freezer with ready meals, so they have not been cooking much, Serena still somewhat fatigued, her sense of smell and taste impaired, and Bernie too busy working. Tonight it is Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference Indian Dinner for Two, which Serena has hoped will reignite her taste buds. But it just tastes bland and mushy, and Bernie is tired and distracted. Serena watches her pushing a piece of naan bread listlessly round her plate and decides to dive in.

“So what’s been happening with Cameron? It was quite extraordinary the way he rushed off to London as soon as I arrived.”

Bernie drops the naan, wipes her hands on a paper napkin and meets Serena’s gaze.

“He’s got himself in trouble,” she says, and proceeds to tell Serena the abbreviated version of the story, leaving out Cam’s confession about letting Evan die. She also tells her she’s been talking to Siân and that they have had Zoom chats with Cameron to discuss a strategy should Phoebe’s case be taken up and Cameron prosecuted for negligence.

“But there was an inquest…and the hospital, and Cameron, were absolved of responsibility. I can’t see the CPS wanting to move on that.”

“No, but she could bring a private prosecution and ask for compensation in the civil courts,” Bernie admits.

“So what does Siân think?”

“She hopes we never have to put Cam on the stand. He’s really flaky- upset at losing Chloe, and at being blamed for something which appears to have been an unfortunate coincidence. This Evan appears to have been exceptionally devious. But aside from that, Siân thinks it won’t get to court. There are too many holes in her case. “

Serena nods. “And this Nicky McKendrick Ange was talking about?”

“Well, she could be a useful character witness. She saw how devious Evan was, she’s close to Chloe. And she was ..involved with Cam for a while when Chloe was with Evan. So that would be useful background.”

“Right. Well, it all seems to be in hand, then.”

Bernie gives a small smile. _If only_ , she thinks, but she doesn’t want to burden Serena with the rest of it. Not yet.

“So, instead of all this gloom and doom, why don’t we watch a film and cuddle on the sofa, Mrs Wolfe?”

Bernie’s heart fills with love. She reaches across to kiss Serena softly on the lips, then she gets up and starts clearing the table.

“I’ll make us a pot of rooibos,” says Serena, “and maybe we could try clearing some space in the biscuit cupboard?”

**April 30 th, 2020**

_April is the cruellest month,_ thinks Serena as she tries to take stock of everything that has happened. Bernie has so far resisted becoming infected, but she has worked herself into a state of utter exhaustion, and Serena can barely communicate with her. Jason had a mild dose of the virus with just a few symptoms but recovered within 7 days and is back at work. Greta, Guinevere and Guin’s grandparents are fine, shielding in rural Dorset, with one of the lowest transmission rates in the country. Serena has recovered completely but the hopelessness of their daily tasks at Holby City hospital is weighing on her. All the deaths. The loss of NHS nurses, doctors and ancillary staff. Hanssen has returned part-time but it's clear he is still far from well, and Serena has been obliged to pick up the slack. She is tired of COVID, tired of taking responsibility for everything, tired of being the punchbag when the government makes ridiculous rulings that they all have to follow. The PPE struggle has also been brutal, and in the end, Serena and Ric had to set up an alternative channel and use Trust funds- with Trust endorsement- to get supplies. Bernie’s mysterious Mr Thomas Wu has come good once or twice when they were stuck.

Bernie and Serena have continued to live together and work together, but the demands of the pandemic have meant that they have often been on alternating shifts, and there has been hardly any intimacy since they returned to the UK. Serena just wishes she could go back to Saigon and get happy drunk with Pilou and Tien at The Chill Bar, then make love with Bernie all night. Connie had to close for a while, and Frieda was loaned to the Vietnamese health service, so things have been fragmented, but it seems the Vietnam lockdown is about to end and the virus, at least for the moment, defeated there.

Serena sits in the garden on a rare day off with a weak sun, just breathing in the scents, the sounds of the insects as spring begins to take hold. When her phone rings. Siân.

“Serena? Can you talk?

“Siân, my goodness, it’s been a while. Yes, of course, I’m on a day off. “

“I’ve been trying to get Bernie, but her voicemail keeps picking up.”

“Oh, yes, she’s in theatre with a complicated case this morning”, Serena says.

“And she does love her complicated cases!” quips Siân.

“And you would know, would you?” says Serena, not a little stung by the assumption she is out of the loop.

“Yes, in the case of her son, Cameron. But I have news, and it is news I can impart to you and you can tell her and she can ring me later with any questions.”

“The news being?”

“Phoebe Crowhurst, who was bringing a suit against Cameron for medical negligence in the case of her brother, has been admitted to St. Luke’s Psychiatric hospital and a diagnosis of schizophrenia has been made. The case against Cameron is now officially on hold and unlikely ever to see the light of day. “

“Well, that’s wonderful news, not for Phoebe of course, but ..” Serena struggles out of her deck chair and paces, suddenly filled with energy. “Bernie will be so relieved. So will Cam.”

“I don’t doubt it. Not that I thought she stood a chance against us, you understand, but this does simplify things.”

“Thank you, so much, Siân, for letting me know. I’ll pass on the message as soon as I can. And send your bill to Bernie.”

“I’m discounting 50%”, says Siân. “It was for your wife, and you know what a sentimental streak I have.”

“Ha, that’ll be the day! I doubt you had much work to do in any case, because Bernie did a lot of it for you.”

Siân doesn’t dignify that with a response, but they end on good terms.

Serena cannot wait for Bernie to get home. Spring may bloom after all.

**May 1 st 2020**

Immensely relieved though Bernie is about the court case, her worries about her son are still there. Clearly, there is something that needs to be resolved. She has given Marcus only the barest of facts to ensure that he won’t interfere, and she can see that he really doesn’t understand what Cameron is going through, but Bernie has an inkling. When she gets him on Face Time to give him the information about Phoebe, she can see his relief. But there are things she cannot leave unsaid as a medical professional.

“Cam, you got away with this, and don’t think I’m not relieved, but it’s not all, is it?”

“What …what do you mean?”

“Jason told me about the cricothyrotomy. That you chickened out, forced him to do it.”

Cameron is silent. She waits. Finally, he says. “Mum, I don’t think I can do this. I wasn’t cut out to be a surgeon. It’s just …too much. But I didn’t want to disappoint you, or Dad.”

“That’s ridiculous, Cam. I never expected you to follow in my or Marcus’ footsteps. All we ever wanted was for you to follow your own calling and be happy.”

“And all the time I was worried that I could never live up to you,” Cameron says, bitterly.

“You’re just so wrong,” says Bernie. “I can’t run away from the fact that I was absent for so much of your childhood and teenage years. But I never would have put pressure on you to perform in any way you were not comfortable with.”

“I’m a coward, Mum,” admits Cameron. “I just can’t be that hero that everyone thinks I am. I’m a failure. Here, I’m just scraping by and I’ve got myself demoted to a position where there’s always someone else to take the rap. But it can’t go on. Once lockdown ends, I’m resigning.”

“That’s your choice, Cam. But if that’s the best thing for you then good luck. If you need me you know where I am.”

“Yeah, but for how long? You’re an Action Woman, Mum, never in one place for too long.”

“Not this time,” chuckles Bernie. “I’ll be right here.”

Later that evening, Bernie has prepared a special meal for Serena to mark May Day, and the fact that, finally, COVID cases in Holby are beginning to fall. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

“This is excellent,” Serena says, her taste and smell now restored. “Mmm, where did you find all these spices?”

Bernie has made a classic beef rendang from Indonesia, simmered for hours, the beef tender, the spices deep and rounded in the richness of the coconut milk.

“I’m afraid I cheated,” she admits. “I bought some packets of spice pastes in Yogyakarta, but they’re very good, I have to say.”

“You know, I never even asked you what you were doing out there in any detail. Isn’t that awful?”

Bernie smiles, scooping the last grains of jasmine rice round her plate with a broccoli spear.

“You don’t need to. It was fairly routine stuff, but you were right last year when you said I needed that. I did. I needed that feeling of being _useful_. Marie-Paule got it, that’s why she let me go. And I loved it. Especially the Sri Lanka thing, going to help after the bomb blasts last April. I don’t mean I loved the killing, it was terrible, but we really had a big part to play and I learned so much. And Sri Lanka is such a wonderful place. We have to go back for a holiday when everything has calmed down.”

Serena smiles and takes her hand. “I’d love to,” she says simply and with absolute sincerity. “But now we’re back in the UK, and likely to stay. How are you going to cope with that once the emergency is over?”

Bernie looks hurt but she keeps hold of Serena’s hand and says “I’m where I’m meant to be. With you. And we’ll find our perfect place and stay here.”

Serena knows there is more to come, later, but for now, this will do. She gets up and puts their dishes in the dishwasher. Then turns to where Bernie is sprawling against the kitchen units, lean and sexy in her grey sweat bottoms and long sleeved T shirt, through which Serena can see the outline of her nipples.

“Take me to bed, Mrs Wolfe,” she says softly, as Bernie moves towards her and encircles her in her arms.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is an epilogue. Where everyone gets to live happily ever after. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, the END! Hope you enjoyed it and can see how Bernie and Serena's future will continue to be both satisfying and with an element of excitement.

**August 29th, 2020**

Serena is busy arranging the crockery in the kitchen cabinets of their new home when there’s a ring on the doorbell.

“I’ll get it,” shouts Bernie.

They have finally resigned from Holby City Hospital. The last straw for Serena was when Hanssen took early retirement to go back to Sweden and write books on fly fishing, and a new CEO was appointed who made it clear that she thought Serena was a relic of a previous age and a barrier to her own plans for the hospital. Serena was happy to leave everything in Max McGerry's hands. Of course, losing Bernie was a huge blow to their ego, but there was no way Bernie was staying without Serena. They managed to sell Serena's house and have just moved further west to the coast of Dyfed, in South Wales. Serena has bought a share in a local GP practice, working 4 days a week. Bernie has just signed a book contract with a major publishing house for her professional memoirs entitled “Trauma Surgeon”. There is the possibility of a TV series as well. They are settling down and relaxing after the horrific workload and stress of the peak of the pandemic.

Bernie pads back inside in her socks, leading a beaming Cameron, hand in hand with a woman a little younger with shoulder length light brown hair.

“Hey, Mums, I had a few days off so I brought Maeve to meet you!”

“Oh hi Cam, hello Maeve,” says Serena, recovering quickly. “We weren’t expecting anyone as we just moved in two days ago, but it’s lovely to meet you. I’m Cameron’s stepmum, Serena.”

“And I’m his Mum, Bernie. Serena’s wife,” Bernie says, pulling bits of packing straw from her thick grey socks.”

“It’s grand to meet you both,” says Maeve in a charming Irish accent, seeming not a little star-struck.

“Well, make yourselves comfortable,” Serena says. “I’ll make some tea. Earl Grey OK?”

They nod and Cameron leans forward eagerly.

“Mum, I just wanted you to know that I’ve moved to Cardiff, and I’m training to be a GP. I’ve given up surgery. “

“Well, that’s wonderful, Cam, if that’s what you want. I think you’d be a great GP. And Cardiff… just down the road, er, so to speak.”

“Yes, what a coincidence! I met Maeve in London when she was doing her F1 year, but now she’s also transferring back to Cardiff, where she studied, so that was one reason for the choice.”

“I’m really happy for you both,” says Bernie. “And have you spoken to your Dad?” she tries to make the question general, but Cam gets the subtext.

“Yeah, we had a talk about the situation and Holby and how that was resolved, and now the new plans. He’s cool with that. His new wife is expecting a baby, so I doubt he’s much concerned with me.”

“Right, I see.” Bernie doubts that’s the whole story but she lets it lie. She will call Marcus later.

Serena reappears with a tray containing a teapot, cups, and a plate with slices of coffee and walnut cake.

“You’re in luck- our nearest neighbour brought us this this cake yesterday, and I can tell you it’s absolutely delicious, so tuck in!”

Cameron and Maeve stay for two hours, then head back to Cardiff. Serena moves to the sofa and sits astride Bernie.

“And what was all that about, do you think?”

“Mmm? “ Bernie is distracted by Serena’s breasts so close to her face. “Oh, just my son bringing his new girlfriend to get Mother’s approval,” she says eventually, smiling and nuzzling Serena’s cleavage.

“And aren’t you happy he seems so settled, and out of trouble?” Serena asks, moving back out of range of Bernie’s questing nose.

“Of course, yes, that’s great,” sighs Bernie. “At least I don’t have to plan murder defence strategies for him! Or not yet anyway!”

“Don’t be so cynical!” Serena says, dropping her face to meet Bernie’s lips.

At that moment the doorbell rings again.

“I don’t believe it”, mutters Serena, clambering off Bernie and going to open the door. Bernie sits back on the sofa pleasantly revelling in the thought of having her wife to herself for the rest of the evening. But when Serena returns it’s with a friendly- looking man in a rugby shirt and jeans, his hair tousled, and bright, intelligent eyes.

“Berenice Wolfe? Hi, I’m Pete Evans, I’m the Milford Haven Coastguard. I understand you’re a trauma surgeon?”

Serena is taken aback. "How do you know that?"

"Ah, small rural community. My aunt, Bronwen Jenkins, is your next door neighbour," he grins cheerfully. 

“Actually I'm retired,” Bernie murmurs. “Very much retired.”

“Well, that’s perfect,” he says in his gently undulating Welsh accent. “It’s just that we ‘re looking for an emergency physician to join our team. Not full-time, just call-out, you understand. No heavy duty stuff, but going out with the helicopter when there’s a chance of rescuing someone with acute injuries, you get me? “

There’s a silence, then Serena looks at Bernie and sees the expression on her face.

“Sit down, Pete. I’ll make some tea!”


End file.
